Guard My Heart
by thesunshinekid
Summary: “Is it true that you are more dead than the undead? That your heart is beyond repair?” Bella believes a lie that her new friends feed her, and finds her heart slowly shattering to an almost irreparable state...
1. Prologue: Making Peace

**Disclaimer: I am not Stephenie Meyer, and thus own neither Twilight, nor its respective characters.**

Prologue: Making Peace

I had missed the crunch of the soggy leaves and the pouring rain that, to me, had always meant home. It was a typical day in the tiny town of Forks, Washington – disregarding the twenty-year time lapse - it looked just like it did before I had, rather unwillingly, left.

The high school was the same, dreary building in a break along the even grayer highway. I could just imagine students sitting in the warm building: snoozing, bored, and begging for snow. Newton's Sporting Goods looked exactly the same too – except for the new proprietor, a grown up Mike Newton, whose gaze I had carefully evaded as I meandered between the backpacks and the flashlights, reliving my first job. Charlie's house was the same – my rusting red truck still sat in the driveway; I suppose it had replaced the cruiser during my father's retirement five years ago. A quick peek, and I noticed with regret that my bedroom was too, unchanged; exactly the way I had left it so many years ago – I wondered that the laundry on the floor hadn't begun to smell.

The expansive white house in the middle of the forest was different. The now-dirty paintwork peeled with age; the multi-car garage crumbled on the side, where a tree had fallen; the familiar glint of light from the large windows was gone, hidden by the dark clouds, so appropriate for my mood. I knew, without looking – though I did, and felt my dead heart shatter once again – the walls were devoid of decoration, the rooms of furniture, the atmosphere of the constant soft music, and of the vibrancy of the eternally youthful family it had been a home to. That house was exactly as I had left it as a young vampire, but now it held the sadness of more than twenty years neglect.

I leaned against the dark blue truck I had rented: small, because I was the sole passenger, and a couple of years old, to avoid attention. My attire was to avoid attention as well – comfy jeans, a scuffed pair of pumas, and a dark rain jacket. Staring, for the last time at the one place I had been most welcome, most comfortable, I decided to leave before I broke down. I was a different Bella than the one that this place remembered.

I had made my peace with the inconsequential town; it was time for me to return to my new life. I pulled my hair into a low ponytail and began the laboriously slow drive to the airport.


	2. Chapter 1: The Welcoming Party

Chapter One: The Welcoming Party

I spent most of my time waiting for my flight in a café, noticing the people milling around me – random quirks, what the Americans were wearing, the extravagant prices at the gift shop – anything to keep my mind from the finality of this trip. Were I to return another twenty years from now, nothing I had once loved about Forks – the people or the places - would remain.

Two hours into the flight, I tugged my headphones from my student backpack, and turned to the Italian fashion magazine Heidi had loaned me for the trip. _Back home soon, _I tried to convince myself, _Italy is home now. _But, when I landed in Tuscany, climbed into the waiting black SUV, and watched the lush countryside fly by the darkened windows, I couldn't bring myself to appreciate it.

OOOOOOOOO

"Bella's looking awfy glum!" Andrew roared in his broad Scottish accent, as Heidi and Cathy ran along the corridor to greet me.

"What do you expect?" Cathy joked, "she just voluntarily spent time in the rainiest place in America."

Heidi ignored them and asked, "Did you look at the pages I marked?" She had taken it upon herself to become the unacknowledged fashion expert in Volterra, and had marked up the magazine before letting me leave.

"I did," I nodded before conceding, "and you were right about the dress."

"Don't you just want to go right now and buy it?" Heidi burst into smiles, "It'll absolutely cheer you up."

I almost laughed aloud at the nearly bouncy Heidi, a woman who had scared me half-to-death the first time I had come here, and now reminded me a little of my old best friend.

"Och," Andrew shook his hate, "Bell's here hates shopping."

"Um, yeah guys," I reminded my companions, "I just got back. And I'm sure that the Big Cheeses will want to see me before I go a-gallivanting again."

"The 'Big Cheeses'?" chuckled a recently-appeared Aro, followed shortly by his brothers Caius and Marcus. "Is that any way to respect your elders?"

"Sorry," I muttered, smiling anyway.

"So, how was the trip?" Marcus quizzed, but then noted, "Your heart broke a little more."

"We'll cure you of that," Aro assured me, though I didn't believe him. The brothers had provided me plenty of occupations over the past two decades, but had never given me a cure for the soul-pervading heartbreak.

Caius then spoke, "Your friends here have arranged a little karaoke party."

I nearly choked. "Karaoke?"

"And dancing!" Cathy added, pulling my hand and twirling me, "You know you love to dance!"

It was true. The clumsy, tuneless human that I had once been, I reveled in my grace and voice in death.

I loved my friends in Volterra. Fellow members of the Guard that cared enough to watch each other's backs had eventually become my closest family. The three ruling brothers had welcomed me and spoiled me like a granddaughter, acquiescing to my whims, and doing their best to keep me happy.

Andrew picked up my duffel bag and led the way down three flights of stairs to my room. It looked out from over the cliff that the city perched upon, the sunlight pouring in from the large windows that overlooked the picturesque landscape. I nodded towards the couches, instructing those accompanying me to sit.

"Talk." I demanded. Being gone from Volterra for a day was like being missing for a day of school in high school; it would, of course, be the day that your science teacher announced she was pregnant, that your best friend finally got asked out or dumped, and you had missed it all. In this hidden castle however, no one needed to sleep - twice as much drama unfolded, all of which I was subject to for the next hour.

Finally, it was just Aro, Caius, Marcus and I, all of us staring out the window at the darkening sky. _Twilight, _I thought, but pushed the memory away.

"So, Bella," Aro started, trying to lighten the suddenly-morose mood, with a half-joke. "Recent polls claim that you're considered the fourth most powerful vampire in the world."

"I wonder who the first three are?" I turned to look at my unconventional grandfathers.

"Anyway," he continued, "We've been discussing it, and while we're glad that you stepped into Darren's position a few years ago, you might be needing a vacation."

"I just got back, though," I wondered at the offer; he had ulterior motives. As much as I loved these old men, experience reminded me that they always had ulterior motives.

"Well, would you at least consider joining the Transylvanian group?" Aro entreated, face full of innocence. "Just to get you out of this boring old city – you're young, you'll want to see the world. Plus, the Count positively loves you."

"That he does," I grimaced. I did enjoy the feeling of getting away when I spent time in the Count's foreboding old castle. I felt like a "real" movie-Halloween-style vampire there. I could hunt whenever I wanted, read in the dusty old library, run through the hills in the sunlight. Still, that didn't change the fact that the Count constantly creeped me out with his excesses of attention.

"I'll think about it." As the unofficial head of the Volturi Guard, I was already organizing the diplomatic group to Transylvania. My responsibilities were among the many distractions the brothers had tried to provide me. I just liked that I could choose my jobs; I picked the most humane ones, often just warning messages or diplomatic trips, like the visit to the Count.

"Heidi will return soon," Aro reminded me as the group left. My fashionista friend had gone to purchase the dress I had approved in the magazine. I groaned; I didn't really like dresses, nor did I like the attention I would receive at the party tonight, where I would be wearing it. For a moment, I considered using my handy mind-control abilities to stop the nonsense, but the sensible part of me told me to let my friends have their fun; I was, by nature, a spoilsport.

I pondered the results of my trip as I fingered the dark blue drapes of my unused canopy bed, sitting on the edge of the mattress before flopping backwards to stretch. Years ago, I wouldn't have even considered living as a member of the Volturi. Circumstances had changed drastically since the first time I had met these ancient rulers. With time I had come to respect them – in no way did I condone the murder of the innocent and defenseless, but I knew how hard my own diet was - how much self-control was required. Many humans take the easy way out and no one thinks less of them for it; I figured that vampires were in the same predicament, only on a grander, more morbid, scale.

I heard Heidi's distinctive knock at the door and the rustling of a dress-bag. "Come in." I sighed, sitting upright. Then I noticed what she held in her hand and whimpered: bright red stiletto heels.


	3. Chapter 2: Dance Away Your Troubles

Chapter Two: Dance Away Your Troubles

I laughed as I danced with Andrew, momentarily forgetting my melancholy. They had all been right; dancing cheered me up. Cathy stood on the makeshift stage, belting out Shania Twain, looking hysterical with fake pop-star dance moves. Heidi made her way through the throng, chatting with cohorts. I assumed that Aro, Caius, and Marcus had secluded themselves from the partygoers – it had been a miracle when we'd introduced them to television; karaoke might be too much for them to handle.

At the end of the number I made my way to the seats along the wall of the ballroom, turning down offers for dance partners. I was having fun, and for a little while I let myself think that maybe I deserved it, that I had committed no crime against my loved ones. I sank into memory-world.

_I was crazy with thirst; I needed to get out of the house. I ran wildly down the stairs, dodging my brothers' concerned looks, bursting out the door and into the forest. _

_Blood, I needed blood._

_I'd settle for anything as I caught myself on a low tree branch and sniffed the air. No, I would settle for nothing less than that smell that permeated the breeze. I was desperate; 'Come to me!' I urged the creature, too unstable to seek it out myself. I didn't hesitate when I saw the little girl in front of me; I lunged…_

_…Only to be held back by the arms of another vampire – I was too far-gone to recognize my love. 'Come to me!' I silently commanded the little girl, who, confused and frightened, had stepped back._

_But then we were running, and I was clawing at my captor. I wanted him to stop, 'Drop me.' I commanded and felt the freedom of air. But my quest was different now; the thirst took over all of my senses… I called any living thing within miles to me, desperate just for the soothing taste, ignoring the struggle of my other two brother's as I told them to return home. They didn't._

_The first animal I saw was a deer; the next time I really saw it, it was dead. Things began to come back to focus – I saw the crumpled bodies of my family, all feebly trying to resist the commands of my mind, the blocks on their own minds slowly receding. _

_I realized what I had done, yet again. I sent the animals away, released my family from my hold, crumpled, and began sobbing, with dry heaves of my chest._

_"This can't keep happening every time she's thirsty," Carlisle collected his thoughts first, shaking his head. "I'm at a loss Bella, really, I am."_

_"I don't want to." I noticed my ragged breathing and tried to calm myself down, before again being encircled by the loving arms I was so used to._

_"We know you don't," he whispered into my ear, his soothing voice quieting my disjointed thoughts._

_I realized that everyone was looking to Alice, who sat in silence, staring into nothingness. After a few moments, she slowly began to plead._

_"Please don't Carlisle. Anything, but not them."_

_Recognition flickered across the rest of our faces. Edward froze. "No, absolutely not."_

_I had always known that this point would come; one of those inevitable, ironic, fate-things. "I'll do it."_

_"No you won't!" We were all slightly taken aback by Rosalie's outburst. While she denied hating me, she most frequently took the path of least resistance when it came to dealing with my temporary bouts of insanity._

_"Are you sure, Bella?" Esme knelt, leveling herself with my downcast face. "We would never drive you away. You know that."_

_"I need to learn control." I nodded. "I need to go somewhere where they can contain me, help me."_

_"I'll make the call." Carlisle began walking, carefully, back to the house, waiting for the shout that I had changed my mind. I refused; I loved them all too much to keep hurting them._

_Later, after having hunted, I whirled about my room, packing and ignoring my nagging conscience. Edward stood by the door, watching in silence._

_"You can't do this." He said. "It's not safe for you to go there. You know that."_

_"It's safer than here." I sighed, stopping for a moment to face my fiancé. "When I lose control, it's not like when you lose control. There are absolutely no obstacles for me. I can make it – beast or human – do whatever I want. I could cause wars; I could destroy families, all because I was thirsty or angry. I keep testing myself, trying to improve, but I can't. And when I lunge, even the seven of you can't hold me back."__  
"We've made it this far." He pleaded, taking my hands in his, "We'll be married soon. And it's hard for everyone at first; you will improve. I promise you. Just don't leave."_

_"I'm not leaving you Edward." I tried to smile; it was hard, and the nagging in my conscience became stronger. "I'm taking an extended vacation. Eternity is a long time; one year won't kill us."_

_His face showed resignation, acknowledging that this was the best – though not the most pleasant – choice. "I'll miss you every moment."_

_"I'll miss you more," I teased, finding my smile. "Call me every day."_

_"Every hour." He countered._

_"I'd hate to see that phone bill." _

_"If things were different…" He trailed off, "I want to go with you. I do."_

_"If it's any consolation, they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder."_

_"Hopefully it doesn't make Isabella go crazier." He ruffled my hair and pulled me into a hug. "You'll be so much stronger when you return. There are those that can help you…"_

_"That's why I'm going." I reminded him, kissing him on the cheek. "I'm certainly the last person I ever thought would be exiling myself to Volterra."_

I was disrupted from my recollections by the throat-clearing of the cloaked vampire in front of me; I recognized him as the Spaniard, Raul, a quick and eager learner – new to the Guard, but promising.

"I just returned from Argentina -" He began. I stood and pulled him into an empty adjoining room.

"Protocol," I reminded him. "What did you find?"

"Nothing," he admitted. "The group searched the entire area – the coven must have left quickly, and covered their tracks thoroughly. We left with as little as we started with."

"The tip that sent you south." I nodded. This was a confusing job - a subversive coven, at least five strong, and growing swiftly, plotting to destroy the foremost members of the Volturi, in a search for power. I dismissed myself from the search parties; I was a worthless tracker, having learned to rely too much on my mind-control capabilities, which required the close-proximity presence of my prey. Nonetheless, I was intrigued; they posed little threat to us, but we could not pin them down. Intelligence units had been trying to follow them for months; recently, as they had become stronger, we'd sent out tracking units.

"Come join the party then," I decided, "tell your whole group. Distraction is good sometimes; helps us to focus later."

"Thank you, Miss Isabella." He bowed low before dashing out of the room. I chuckled and closed the door behind me; I would never get used to the adoring reverence of the "newbies."

"You disappeared." Cathy and Andrew noted simultaneously.

"I'm a workaholic." I shrugged. "Let's dance."

The perplexity of my job did little to assuage the heart-ripping power of my memories. I drowned myself in the music that night, if only to ignore reality for yet another day: I did not deserve to be cheered up, to have fun. I had committed a crime against my loved ones; I had hurt them when I chose to leave.


	4. Chapter 3: No One Should Be Lonely

Chapter Three: No One Should Be Lonely

The castle was old enough that the windows were not covered with glass, but I did not feel the chill as I leaned out into the wind. The winter sunlight bounced off my sparkling skin, and I breathed deeply of the untainted country air. I could live as a recluse, I thought lazily, as I turned back to my guest room.

I had borrowed an ancient text from the Count's extensive library; between dashing around the world and sitting in my room moping, I'd studied as much as possible in the way of languages, art, literature, drama, music, dance, the sciences, even a little mathematics, though I'd dropped that quickly.

"Enjoying that?" Vlad, the infamous Count Dracula, interrupted my reading.

"I haven't seen an original Machiavelli in such good condition before!" I exclaimed. "I have access to a copy of this, but it's far to worn to actually read."

"Or you could pick up a brand new copy at the bookstore." He joked. "Keep it, I'm done with many of those."

"Thanks. Nothing beats the smell of the Renaissance." I laughed, though decided to not lead him on. "I don't want to impose. We should begin as early as possible."

"We can talk in the morning." He nodded, "but you may stay as long as you wish."

"If you don't mind then, I may try my hand at your local game before I leave." I motioned towards the hills. "New hunting grounds are always a challenge."

"And your team?" He inquired, "Are they comfortable?"

"I'm sure they are." I answered. When I decided to give Aro the benefit of the doubt and join the excursion to Romania, I replaced the senior member of the group, and was now accompanied by three of the newest members of the Guard – some barely out of training. I recalled their gasps of wonder when they saw the castle and the rocky, steep mountains.

I hoped that the conversation was over – I wanted to return to my book, but the Count persisted.

"Would you like me to build you a fire?"

"Umm… No thank you." I replied. "The light is fine here."

"Would you like me to read aloud to you?"

I was irritated now, "No, thank you, Vlad. The trip was taxing, I'd like some time alone."

"If you really wish…" He muttered as he left the room. I grunted and raised my eyebrows in the mirror across the room. Thousands of years old, and he was still clueless.

OOOOOOOOOO

"You indicated to the brothers that you wished for a quiet discussion." I began, in business mode now, my trainees watching from chairs behind me.

"Yes." The Count nodded. "I have an important matter to bring to the table."

"Then let's begin." I looked him in the eye. It was the best way of keeping tension in the air, and thus keeping the matter as diplomatic as possible.

He looked me back in the eye. "Miss Isabella, I have not been discreet in my actions, and you are an intelligent woman. I brought you here because I am hopelessly in love with you, and wish to marry you, if you would do me the honor."

My mouth dropped open, and I swore I could hear some stifled snickers from behind me. "I will most certainly not." I answered, shoving my chair backwards, indignant. "You brought me all the way out here for that?"

"It's an exceptionally serious matter." He replied, his withered face and wispy hair shaking at my rejection. "I just proposed to you, and you treat it like it's not even an option."

"It's not." I tried to breathe calmly, "I can't even believe that you would think, for one second – "

"Leave us for a moment." The Count dismissed my team members.

"I think that they ought to stay!" I countered, but they were already gone, probably trembling from the attention of the fabled count. I collapsed back into the chair and buried my face in my hands. Why me? Of all vampires, why me?

"Isabella," he moved to sit on the edge of the desk and look in my face. "Isabella, do you loathe me that much? Am I that repulsive to you – just an old man, just a myth of children's nightmares, a hermit that feeds on villagers to live? Are you afraid of the loneliness of my home? My dear, we could live anywhere!"

I refused to look up, as he knelt next to my chair and took my face in his hands, so that we were on a level. He spoke in hushed tones now, "Or is it true?

"Is it true that you are more dead than the undead? That your heart is beyond repair?"

He stood up and turned to look out the tall window, standing between the heavy, dark drapes.

"Then you're a silly girl! A lovesick teenager! You choose to live in mourning for a lost lover than to move on? You think nothing of happiness!" He turned back to me, his eyes pleading.

"You could make me happy. I could make you happy."

"Really," I stood up, clearing my throat, "If there's nothing more to discuss, then we must be on our way."

I dashed out the door and ran to my room, throwing my belongings into my knapsack, breathing heavily, and feeling the weight of sadness. Vlad lived alone: immortal and alone.

I met him in the hallway, bringing me a small stack of books. "For the journey home. Some of your favorites." He explained.

I zipped the books into my bag and turned to my old friend. "There shouldn't be any bad blood between us." I laughed feebly, "or, so to speak. I wish I could make you happy, but I can't."

He looked downtrodden, but I mimicked his previous action and lifted his chin so that his eyes met mine. "As a member of the Volturi and a representative for the family, you are more than welcome to join us, to live with us, to work with the Guard – anytime you want."

"Thank you." He said, pulling me into an awkward hug.

"No one should be lonely." I said, and firmly believed it.

"Sanders, Joshua, Erick!" I called my team members to me.

I took one last glance at the ancient man. "Your hospitality has been excellent. Thank you."

This was the second time I'd left behind someone who loved me, and I was powerless to stop myself.


	5. Chapter 4: A Little Truth

Chapter Four: A Little Truth

I stormed into the office right as Aro was closing the far door – into a closet. I frowned. Of course, he had something to hide.

"Why, Bella, you're back early!"

"You didn't think I was going to stay after that nice little performance, did you?" I roared. " 'Oh, Bella, you need to get out more.'" I mimicked in a high-pitched voice. " 'Oh, Bella, he does love you.' Yeah, he loves me! You were trying to palm me off onto some ancient plonker with absolutely no sense of tact!"

"Listen, Isabella, I –." He tried to come up with an excuse.

"Am I just some moping, lost, boring, brooding excuse for a vampire that you just took in to get into everyone's good graces, and now that your job is 'done' you're done with me? Are you telling me that I have no family… anywhere?"

I heard a sharp intake of breath coming from the closet. My suspicions confirmed, I moved to continue with my tirade, but Aro beat me to it.

"You are family, we had just hoped that maybe you could be happy. We're running out of ideas."

"And letting me deal with it myself never occurred to you?" I shrieked. "Now I've gone and broken that poor old guy's heart and I can't do that twice…" I collapsed to the floor, sobbing. "…I can't do that twice."

"Bella," Aro reached down to me, but I mentally made him lean against the back wall. I wanted him far away from me.

"Stay there." I stood up, once again invigorated and angry, feeling that familiar nagging of my conscience – I would lose control if I weren't careful.

"I can't trust you. You stand here, telling me you want the best for me, but do you? And what is so 'important' that you had to send me, the head of your security, away? Am I a threat to you? Is this what it has come down to? I have to leave because, now, you're afraid of what I'll do." I threw my hands in the air. I cared about him, but right now I was pissed.

"Bella," he cautioned, "Calm yourself down."

"Don't tell me what to do!" I screamed.

"You haven't given thought to the situation, you're emotional right now…" He tried to speak reason, but I would have none of it.

I looked at the locked door. Whatever he no longer trusted me with was behind that tall block of wood. I was determined now.

"Isabella, control your mind control!" Aro rebuked sharply, before falling quiet – by my command.

"A little truth for once might be nice." Whomever he had locked in there was now tearing at the door, at the lock, frantically trying to get out – because I had made them. The door was ancient, and probably wouldn't withstand a decent beating from a moderately sized vampire.

I didn't count on there being two vampires behind the door. So, as it crashed down and I looked triumphantly back at Aro, releasing him from my control.

"Bella?"

I turned to look at the man and woman picking themselves up from the remnants of the door. In the dust, the images were clouded, but the identities were clear.

Carlisle and Esme Cullen.


	6. Chapter 5: Implosion

Chapter Five: Implosion

I was too shocked to respond when Marcus, Caius, and several guard members burst into the room.

"We heard a crash..." Someone began, before trailing off.

I just stood, like a wax replica, breath caught in my throat, heart falling through the floor. Aro had been protecting me from the rage of the family I had destroyed. I felt a million things all at once – but guilt prevailed. Guilt for yelling at the man who had kept my best interests at heart, guilt for saying the things I had at anyone for that matter; guilt for using my mind control in my anger, but most of all, guilt for using it on two people for which it had already caused so much pain.

"I'm sorry." I said, trying to apologize for a thousand grievances in two words, as I ran towards the door. I came face to face with an outraged Andrew, who spun me around to face the room. I looked to the ground – I couldn't bear to reach anyone's eyes.

I could hear the disappointment in his mutterings. "I taught you better Bella."

And memory-world engulfed me.

_I was reading – a book Edward had recommended to me, to keep me busy while I was away. I figured that he'd know what was worth my while – he'd been around longer than I had._

_The evening was nice – I sat with the windows open, glad for the peace. Andrew, my tutor, had worked with me relentlessly; he understood how desperately I wanted to go home, to return to my fiancé. He was a hypnotist; not quite the same as my mind-control fiasco, but he struggled with the same thing: emotions run wild, and then all-of-a-sudden, you're making people do things against their will. Andrew had become a friend in this dark place, but not so much that I didn't crave the quiet, where I could think about my family, or talk to them on the phone._

_As I looked up from my page and glanced towards the brightly colored sunset, I realized that neither Edward nor Alice had called in several days. At first, I had assumed that they were hunting, but now I worried – did they have to move? Had Jasper made a mistake? Were people becoming suspicious of Carlisle? _

_There was no reason to worry, I reminded myself. They'll call me when they're ready. But, the nagging in the back of my mind persisted – this was out of character. I stood up; maybe a stroll would clear my head._

_I meandered through the catacombs and corridors until I came upon what Andrew called "the briefing room" – where Aro and his cronies bossed around those that they assumed superiority over. I was going to turn around and return to my book, when Aro called my name._

_"Bella?" He began, "We have some news."_

_The nagging became stronger – something had happened, something was wrong. I shuddered as I stepped into the room and found Demetri, Andrew, several others I didn't recognize, and, of course, the Volturi brothers. _

_Marcus cleared his throat. "We sent an escort for your family to return for you."_

_My heart leaped – there was no danger, they had all been traveling. Relief washed through me. _

_"And?" My voice betrayed my excitement._

_"We think that it would be better were you to remain with us." Marcus finished._

_I looked around the room. Were they serious? They had made the decision, and taken action, to return me home! I had served my time, been here my year!_

_"Um… I don't agree." I looked into Marcus', Caius', and Aro's eyes. "I want to go home."_

_"The situation, Miss, has changed." Demetri spoke up. He was the head of the Guard, a fearsome tracker, and a ruthless killer._

_"Changed?" My voice squeaked a little. The nagging was back; my heart was spilling out of my toes._

_"Isabella," Demetri used my full name, "When I arrived at the Cullen home, I discovered that there had been… an incident."_

_"Well," I sighed, exasperated, "could you all stop messing with me and just tell me what happened?"_

_Aro looked at me, as if to ask 'are you sure you want to know?' before nodding to Demetri to continue._

_"The house was a shambles. Esme, your mother figure, I suppose, ran around in absolute frustration. No sign of your brothers or father. From what I could gather from your sisters, Edward" and he put emphasis on the name, "left with a woman not much before I arrived. Without explanation, without goodbye."_

_I knew that my jaw was hanging open like an idiot, my eyes were wide, but I didn't care. I knew why the vampires of the world feared these men – they were liars and manipulators. They would do anything to have me join their ranks, I was sure of it._

_"Liar!" I stepped forward, as if to beat the truth out of him. I tried to force him to tell the truth, but nothing more came out – I could see that he was fighting it. From a few feet away, Andrew looked at me disapprovingly. I ignored him and turned my attention back to Demetri. _

_"It's not true. It can't be true."_

_"It's true." He said, looking me in the eye. I didn't buy it._

_"I want the truth!"_

_"I gave you the truth!"_

_"Then implode for all I care, it's not true!" I had heard my voice rising, but disregarded all of the warning signs – no sooner had I imagined the man's demise, than did I realize what I had done._

_A weight fell over me – I couldn't breathe, or think, only curl up, where I stood, and turn my face away. "No!" I yelled, at no one in particular. I felt Andrew's arm as he coaxed me up from the ground._

_"It's alright, you were provoked; you're still young." He whispered soothingly in my ear, but I didn't hear it.. _

_All in the space of a few minutes, I had lost the one thing more important to me than life – in the most literal of senses. I stood, and looked at the mess – the guards scurrying for help, the brothers conferring amongst each other. _

_And Demetri, in ashes, at my feet._

"Bella?" Esme was calling my name, and I was pulled from my memory. She pulled me into a hug, and my eyes opened in shock. Didn't these people hate me? What I had done by leaving? Who I had become?

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

Aro answered for them, "I invited an old friend to visit. That's entirely allowed."

"I want to hear it from them." I told him. My emotions were still a mess, and I didn't want any more unnecessary trouble – I still wasn't sure if I could trust him.

"We came," Carlisle said, "Because we were invited. To see how you were doing."

"We miss you," Esme added.

I'm sure the shock was covering my face now. I whirled again on Aro.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because," Carlisle replied instead, "We know how much it hurt you, what happened the first time. The second time, we were afraid of what would happen."

"Rightfully so." I muttered. The first time Edward left me, my heart had disappeared. The second time, I was a vampire – I already had eternity for him – and my heart shattered. It only added to the beast I became when my mind lost control – and I started doing things I regretted.

I couldn't decide whether to break down sobbing, or to beg forgiveness, or to just jump for joy – it was so wonderful just to see them.

"Well, I have an idea," Aro said more pleasantly than before, noticing my indecision. "I believe you mentioned your daughter enjoying Rome and it's shopping?"

Carlisle nodded.

"Then lets have that delightful Alice come and visit for awhile." Aro smiled, thinking that he'd solved everything. I couldn't muster a glare; my heart was dancing. I had lost my family when I lost Edward – and I had never dreamed of getting them back.


	7. Chapter 6: The Whole Story

Chapter Six: The Whole Story

"Ah!" I shrieked, jumping up and down.

"Ah!" Alice shrieked, jumping and hugging me. "I missed you!"

"I missed you!" We stopped jumping. "Oh my gosh, I never thought I'd see you again!"

The room had emptied while Alice and I had been screaming, and I realized that I had no idea where to begin. Had she forgiven me as easily as her parents had – could we be best friends again?

"Ooh, show me your room!" She commanded, and I was more than happy to oblige. The past would rear its ugly head later – we had catching up to do.

I lead her through the corridors, commentating on artwork, pointing out the library, the ballroom, and the office that I rarely used, finally coming upon my airy room. I tried to see it the way my friend would: the walls were cream colored; my couches, drapes, and bed linens were all blue; I had an entire wall dedicated to books, and an antique desk with a laptop; original landscapes hung on the walls – pieces I had commissioned over the past few years; my bathroom was decorated in a lighter blue theme than my room. The space was inherently my own – and I hadn't even noticed before.

"This is gorgeous!" She wowed and sat on a couch.

"So," I began, plopped down, cross-legged, next to her, "How's Jasper?"

"He's doing really well, things are getting so much easier for him. We have an apartment in the city now. He's actually just about to start his next quarter at Harvard, getting a degree in law this time around. Ironic, don't you think? New England is so beautiful this time of year."

"And Rosalie and Emmett?" I asked, "How are they?"

"Oh – they just had another wedding. It was right by this amazing lake in Canada – one of those deep blue-greens that you can't ever get out of your head – I must say, maybe the best wedding I've seen in decades. Rosalie is running her own private auto shop business, just for luxury cars. It's pretty cool…" She trailed off. "Tell me about this trip to Transylvania."

I explained as much as I could, trying to ignore the smashing feeling in my chest, and emphasizing the "old twit" factor of Vlad's proposal. She wanted a detailed description of the landscape, though we decided that it was really a sight to be viewed firsthand. I complained a lot about the "new kids" to the Guard and how over-eager they were, but I ran out of commentary pretty quickly, unsure of what else was safe territory for discussion.

"So," Alice tried to break the lengthy pause after I finished.

"Twenty years," I tried to joke, "And we've already run out of stuff to say."

The silence deepened, each of us examining our respective perfect cuticles.

"I saw it, you know," Alice spoke slowly and softly, still not looking up. "I saw you coming home early. It surprised me, really – I haven't seen anything about you since… Well, I got a little excited, and I decided to come to Italy this time too… you probably didn't know it, but I think Carlisle has been back here at least once a year to hear how you're doing… and I so hoped that you would open that door, that you would know that Aro lied to you, and you did, and we're here and…" She trailed off again, unsure of what came next.

"I knew that Aro was lying to me." I said. "He doesn't lie to me often – as the head of his own security system, it would hurt him too much if he did – but there are some things no one tells me the truth about."

"Which?" Alice looked at me now, a hint of anger in her eyes.

"Obviously, when your parents came to see how I was doing;" I explained, "I didn't know that they cared enough still – that they cared at all – because everyone here has led me to believe that after everything… I was no longer wanted. In order to keep me, Aro – Marcus and Caius too – and even my own Guard; they've all deceived me."

"Then screw them all!" Alice's lilting voice raised, "Come back with us – leave the brutes!"

I closed my eyes and sighed. "I can't Alice."

She seemed to remember something, and looked me straight in the eyes, as if searching for something. But, as sudden as her silent interrogation had come on, she looked away and sank deeper into the couch.

"What was…?" Alice faltered for a second, "There were more things that they've lied about."

I took a deep breath. The incident nineteen years ago had haunted me like an unwelcome houseguest. I risked losing my best friend over my admission.

"Nineteen years ago, I was told that Edward left with another woman, which was true enough. But, I firmly believed that they were hiding something – to the point where I killed the proverbial messenger."

Alice urged me on with a slight nod of her head. I took another breath. "I had been working so hard – if you'd only seen the disappointment; my mind control had caused your family so many problems, and then I finally did the one thing everyone feared from the beginning.

"Around here, a death isn't really a big deal. I mean, they kill all the time. I slaughtered the head of their Guard with a single thought, and they didn't flinch. But I felt so… unclean. I was alone in a place that I hated. But, it turned out that I was right."

"He did lie." Alice said. It wasn't a conclusion – it was a statement; she knew the wiles of the Volturi. "When did you realize? What did you discover?"

"When I joined the Guard a few years later. I was assigned to track a subversive group – that's when I became closer to Cathy and Heidi. I'm useless as a tracker, whereas they were selected to the Volturi for that exact purpose. Anyway, at the time we were just following a woman and her mate, seemingly insignificant, but we were suspicious all the same. The man's alias finally tipped me off. He went by the name of 'Anthony Masen'."

"Oh," Alice gasped.

"You didn't know," I realized. Just what I wanted to avoid – more pain.

"I used our resources here to do more research. The woman is a renowned temptress, named Charlotte," I continued, "Her success in her art comes from her ability to make you forget – in this case, loved ones. It's how she convinces people to join her coven. She chose Edward because he could read minds, and because he knew the basic layout of Volterra."

"So, wait," Alice tried to reason, "He left, forgetting all about any of us – especially you – and roams around, with the sole purpose of killing…"

"Me." I finished for her. "As much as we know, they're trying to find out who the leader of the Guard is. By destroying them, and consequently the Volturi forces, their ascent to power will be swift and permanent."

Alice looked at her nails again for a minute, while I awaited her reaction. Demetri's death didn't seem to faze her, but then, I didn't know how much of this she already knew.

"Doesn't it kill you that you live among men who would die for a lie? Men that forced you to believe that your fiancé left willingly, instead of by a cruel trick." She finally spoke. "Or that the man you love is bent on killing you – doesn't even remember you?" She looked up again. "And you've forgiven him."

I simply nodded.

"But," she added, "you're still heartbroken. You don't think you'll ever get him back."

"I won't get him back. He doesn't know who I am. If we catch them, orders are to kill them." I admitted. "Even I cannot change 'executive orders'."

She seemed to mull this over before standing up. I worried that this would be a permanent goodbye, but instead she went over to the leather Louis Vuitton suitcase she'd left by the door – what I assumed to be her luggage.

"I bought something for you." Alice said, a wicked gleam in her eye.

"I have my own money now," I cautioned. "And Heidi has taken it upon herself to become my own personal shopper."

"Well," Alice looked threatening, despite her stature, "She has competition now."

When she pulled out the deep blue strapless dress, I swore that any living person would have fainted. It was perfect.

"There. Is. No. Way." I stuttered. "That is amazing."

"And it's your size, and there are shoes to match," Alice giggled.

I dashed into the bathroom to try the dress on, and emerged beaming.

"You're going to have to wear it to the ball."

I had, until then, forgotten about the ball being held in the Cullen's honor at the end of the week. It would be rude not to wear Alice's selection – and to be honest I wouldn't want to wear anything else.

"Let's see the shoes with it," I suggested. After our long heart-to-heart, comprised mainly of me spilling my guts, we had arrived at full-on girly mode.

I whimpered with an overwhelming sense of déjà vu.

Stiletto heels.


	8. Chapter 7: A Vampire Headache

Chapter Seven: A Vampire Headache

"It's not that I'm afraid of heels," I explained to Alice as we hopscotched over the marble stone of the corridor floor. "I just have some bad associations with them."

"Only Bella." Alice laughed and found a seat in an alcove. "We're going to ruin our dresses soon enough."

"Since all the dull people at the party actually care." I laughed with her and sat down. "Caius is probably giving his 'I'm-cooler-than-Aro' speech right about now."

"Is he cooler than Aro?" She asked.

"After you leave, I'm putting Andrew in charge of teaching the three of them how to use a cell phone." I said. "To be honest, Marcus will learn the fastest, which means he'll be the cooler of the three."

"I see." Alice faked seriousness, before jumping up. "We're going to be missed."

"You mean you don't want to miss the dancing," I corrected her, but followed. Some things wouldn't change even during millennia of existence.

"And in conclusion…" Caius was still droning on, so we weaved amongst the seated guests to our table. The vampire from Japan looked like he wished that he could fall asleep, and I stifled a laugh – which turned into a snort – which alerted Alice to the hilarity of the situation, almost causing us to miss our seats.

"Alice, don't be rude," Esme scolded, but not without a smile.

"I think," I muttered, "as a matter of international security -."

Before I could end though, applause filled the ballroom, and I used the noise to hide a giggle.

While the rest of the table headed towards the dance floor, I surveyed the room, looking for Andrew. I tried to be joyful for my old friends, but my job had me worried – I had sent three separate teams out in the past few days, and I'd heard from none.

As if on cue, Heidi slipped her arm in mine and pulled me from the table. "Your office in five." She whispered and disappeared, leaving me next to the exit. I pulled off my shoes and ran down the flights of stairs, hoping that no one had noticed my disappearance from the ballroom.

My office, containing simply a desk and a few chairs, was probably the least-used room in the entire hidden castle. I preferred to meet the Guard in group meetings and any conferences with the brothers were held in their own offices.

"What's going on?" I asked as Heidi and Andrew quietly closed the door behind them.

"Nothing to worry your pretty head about, lass." Andrew began, but was cut off by a business-like Heidi.

"I just received a call from Cathy, about the disturbances in South Africa. They knew it was just a warning visit, but the man began to get violent, and so they had to clean up evidence. They're back later than originally anticipated."

"Why didn't she just call me?" I asked, sitting on the edge of the desk.

"That's the second thing," Heidi continued, "since your nice little outburst with Aro the other day, a few of your less-loyal minions haven't exactly been bringing any problems to you."

"As in…" I urged her to continued, but Andrew took up the strain.  
"As in, they've brought them to your second-in-command," pointing to himself, "and I knew that you wanted some space for a while anyway to talk with Alice. However, we've run into a brick wall."

"A vampire-shaped brick wall." Heidi added.

"I'm getting a little impatient," I said, indicating my bouncing right foot. Did no one ever cut to the chase around here?

"The subversive coven we've been tracking was spotted moving closer to Volterra, but since you were uninformed, we we're powerless to do anything to counter it." Andrew explained, "Tonight, our group followed one of them straight to the sewer entrance, right as the third group arrived to tell you of their success.

"It took both teams to contain him – we have him in a cell, under constant watch, but we were hoping that you could bring down some other members to relieve the ones that just got home."

"Do we have a name?" I asked.

"Anthony Masen." Heidi answered, unaware of its significance.

I sighed. This was complicated – and I was loath to return to the ball only to pull people out, but this was huge.

"Heidi: send Santiago, Joshua, and Rachel; bring Cathy to me. Andrew, once the party breaks up, I want a full interrogation of the prisoner, so gather together your strongest intelligence team."

I sighed as they left the room, before hopping off the desk. Slipping on my shoes, I hurried back to the ballroom to find Alice looking for me.

"What's wrong?" She asked, seeing my harried expression.

"Just a matter of international security," I joked, before leading her back to the table. "I'm going to need to talk to some people, but meanwhile… did you see anything?"

Alice nodded sullenly. "That's why I was looking for you."

"Tell me quickly."

After she confirmed all that I had just heard, I rushed to find Aro, and hopefully Marcus and Caius as well – it would be more expedient to deal with them all at once.

"Bella!" I heard from behind me, and ran straight into Aro.

"Thank goodness," I took a deep breath in. "I need to talk to you."

"We already know." Marcus stopped me.

I wondered if vampires could get headaches. "Does no one tell me anything around here?"

"I'm so sorry!" Cathy threw her arms around me from behind. I hadn't heard her approach. "I didn't mean to go behind you, but Andrew is Mr. Intelligence himself, and I knew that you'd been enjoying the ball, and - I've run out of excuses."

"That's okay," I hugged her back. "Go and join said Scotsman; he's putting together an interrogation team, and I want you on it."

"Aye Aye, Cap'n!" She mock saluted and disappeared through a side door.

The arrangements made, I tried to enjoy the ball with the same carefree attitude of the ancient brothers, but I was consumed by the fact that, after twenty years, Edward sat only a few floors below me.


	9. Chapter 8: Interrogation

Chapter Eight: Interrogation

It had been two hours since the last guests left, and I slowly made my way to the interrogation room, trying to prolong the short trip. I paused outside the door and listened to the voices inside – they would bring the prisoner in soon.

I slid in along the back wall, so that the prisoner would be unable to see my face and later identify me as the leader of the Volturi Guard. I surveyed Andrew's assembly – he had outdone himself. Cathy and Andrew stood behind a table that would separate them from the chair and chains in the middle of the room. Felix had been brought out of retirement – he sneered at me when he saw me – time hadn't made him hate me any less. Jane and Alec sat on stools along the opposite wall, in full view of the prisoner – more as a warning than for any actual action. Once we had captured someone, they tended to give up the hope of freedom, submitting to interrogations and imprisonment.

Heidi joined, and I noticed movement in the window on the wall behind me – the booth that Aro, Marcus, and Caius occupied during high-profile cases like this one. I wondered what they told the Cullens – it would upset them, having not seen their son in nineteen years.

I stared straight ahead as the guards entered the room; I promised myself that I wouldn't look at the man I was pretty sure I'd still die for. The guards were rough; the prisoner tripped as he was dragged into the room, and I couldn't avert my eyes as his head snapped in my direction.

It was just a glance – the guards pulled his head forward again as they chained him to the chair – but that glance held everything. I could swear that his brow furrowed when he saw the color of my eyes.

OOOOOOOOOOO

EDWARD'S POINT OF VIEW:

The guards were pulling wildly at my arms, and I grunted – I wasn't about to run. Charlotte's instructions had been clear – feign innocence. I read the reactions of the room around me – anger, confidence; they were going to break me. One mind was blank – though there was another presence in the room, hidden at the back. I was startled, but couldn't place the memory prodding me. I tripped, consumed by my thoughts, and for a moment saw the face of the mind I couldn't listen to. Her countenance of determination dissolved when I looked at her, and I wondered what struck me so curious about its features. It didn't occur to me until they'd strapped me into the chair, with chains too strong for a vampire to break: golden eyes.

Question one came quickly, the blonde woman in front not releasing me from her gaze as she queried. The man next to her - tall, with short black hair - was a hypnotist; he was hoping that I would be compliant, so that he wouldn't have to influence me.

"What is your name?"

"Anthony Masen." I replied, careful not to miss a beat.

"What is your real name?" She changed the question. I met her gaze and replied again.

"Anthony Masen."

The man looked towards someone behind me as the woman repeated the question, still calm.

"What, Mr. Masen, is your real name?"

Their confidence assured me of their constant success – I would give in before long.

"Anthony Masen."

"What is your real name?"

"Anthony Masen."

"What is your real name?"

"Anthony Masen."

"What is your real name?"

"Anthony Masen."

"What is your real name?"  
"Edward Cullen." Where did that come from? I didn't remember thinking it – only a sudden urge to tell the truth. I hadn't even hesitated.

The man still refused to look me in the eyes, his gaze again on someone in the back of the room. He seemed to be frowning, but I turned back to the blonde woman's cold, confident red eyes. I listened to the question in her mind, trying to anticipate, to avoid a slip like earlier.

"Where do you come from?"

That was easy, "Here and there."

"Have you been to Volterra before?"

They knew my name now, no use in lying. "Yes."

"When?"

"A long time ago." I heard the mind of the man next to her, still watching someone in the back, 'not good enough,' but I couldn't be sure if it was directed towards me or not.

"When was your last visit to Volterra?"

"A long time ago." A silent exchange must have taken place as I answered – I heard the click of a tape recorder being turned off, and a door opening. An ancient man walked in front of me – a face I recognized immediately as Aro of the Volturi.

"Edward," he spoke with an amused air, "are you going to be difficult?"

That urge came over me again. "No." I blurted out.

Aro's gaze moved to the person in the back, and I wondered why he didn't just take my hand, listen to the information himself; I'd be unable to stop him.

"Edward," Aro spoke again, "We are giving you a fair chance to tell us your side of the story; we both know that the way I see things and the way you see things will be completely different."

I nodded my head slightly as the man walked off. Try as I might, I couldn't place when I had met him – I only knew that I had. I growled at the thought – how much had Charlotte wiped from my memory?

"When was your last visit to Volterra?

The urge to tell the truth overwhelmed me now. "I don't remember."

I looked at the hypnotist, but I knew that the urge hadn't come from him. He wasn't confused. He was angry, thinking about a student he once had, now standing in the back of the room as their leader; a mind controller. The face of the girl with the blocked mind and golden eyes entered my head. Was she this rumored head of the Guard? She was no older than I was.

The blonde woman was forming the next question, which I readied myself to answer.

"What do you mean by, 'I don't remember'?"

That wasn't the question she had planned to ask – she felt momentary confusion at the invasion of her mind, but then she became angry as well, eyes leaving mine for the first time to glare at the woman in the back. But she repeated the question anyway.

"I don't remember." I said, "That's what I mean."

"Why don't you remember?" The woman had control of her faculties again.

"I must have forgotten." I answered. Aro cautioned me from his position behind the window, 'don't be obstinate'.

"Who is the leader of your coven?"

"Charlotte." I replied, relinquishing, giving them the truth. They'd broken me earlier than they'd anticipated.

"Did Charlotte make you forget?" Not the question she'd planned on.

"Yes."

"Do you remember anything?" That didn't seem to be her question either. The blonde frowned, but didn't turn away from my eyes.

"A little."

"Do you remember anything from before you met Charlotte?"

"Very little."

"Do you remember your family?"

"That question was inappropriate!" Thundered the dark haired man, in a thick Scottish accent.

I heard the small, but determined, voice of the young woman in the back. "But I want an answer."

"Enough Bella." Aro entered the room. The name of the woman sounded familiar – I must have met her the first time I visited Volterra.

I felt the tight grasp of the guards on my arms as I was unchained and led back to my cell. Before I left, I cast a glance back at the young woman with the smooth brown hair, her eyes the same color as my own. For a moment, I thought, 'what a beautiful creature'. And then, I was pulled back into the black of the prison.


	10. Chapter 9: Guard Your Heart

Chapter Nine: Guard Your Heart

BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:

"What the blazes was that!" Cathy turned on me as the room cleared.

"Isabella Marie, you know better!" Andrew snarled at the same time.

"I just wanted answers." I looked at my shoes – brand new black leather boots with a kitten heel.

"Well, maybe," Caius glared, his voice raising with each syllable, "we shouldn't let our personal lives interfere with our work! Do you know what you could have ruined?"

"I thought we weren't considering this group a threat." I retorted, but backed up a step nonetheless.

"Personal lives?" Heidi looked at me. "What aren't you telling us?"

"Oh, look at the pot calling the kettle black," I growled. "I told you anything I knew which that important to the investigation."

"So, are you saying that this Edward doesn't remember his past, but you do?" Cathy let her voice drop a few decibels, choosing instead to intensify her glare.

"You've met him before." Aro broke in. "You all have."

Marcus chose to explain, "He was the suicidal one."

It flickered across each face slowly, before Heidi finally turned to me. "You were his human. All of this time, you were Edward Cullen's human girl."

I didn't know how to answer them – they hadn't recognized it in me, for twenty years. I wondered what the brothers had chosen to keep from them as well.

"Continue the interrogation without me, two hours from now." I turned to Andrew, pulling myself back into business mode. "I want to hear the recording. Find out what he was looking for, and if he identified me as the leader of the Guard."

"Bella," Andrew pulled me aside, as if to discuss details. "I thought we were all friends."

_"Congratulations!" Cathy and Andrew burst into the room. I laughed – they would make such a cute couple, but they consistently denied it._

_"And thus, the student becomes the teacher!" Andrew plopped himself into a chair on my balcony._

_"What's wrong?" Cathy asked, sitting more gracefully next to her almost-boyfriend._

_"I'm not sure this is what I want." I had been staring out across the Italian countryside, taking in very little of it. _

_"Isn't this what everyone wants?" Cathy barely breathed. "To be one of the Volturi, the most powerful vampires in existence?"_

_"I didn't want to become a vampire so that I could be a member of these elitists." I wished I could cry. I kept reliving it – saying goodbye to Edward. This decision would make that goodbye so entirely final._

_"You have so much self-control – more than I do," Andrew spoke calmly, sensing my distress, "You are smart, and funny, and proof of the good that vampires can become – your intentions are noble, your motives pure. Why not embrace what you can do with this opportunity?"_

_"Aro and his men have ulterior motives." There were always ulterior motives._

_"Turn the tables for once," Cathy's soft laugh bubbled out. "Who knows? Raise a new generation of vegetarian vampires that seek more to life than power."_

_"I'm really sure Aro would like that," I laughed as well. "I know that I'll take up their offer; I don't have any other reason to exist. But, it's not what I wanted."_

_"Ye cannae always get what ye want." Andrew shook his head, his Scottish accent becoming more obvious as he delivered 'sage advice.' _

_"So I see," I muttered, standing to go and accept Aro's offer._

"Bella," Andrew was still speaking, "What's come over you? No one trusts you anymore. Suddenly, some long lost friend arrives and you're more joyful than ever before – but it's so noticeable now. You're not the girl we befriended. Not the one that was so determined to succeed at her diet, so anxious to finish her training."

"You were there," I spoke slowly, "The day that I destroyed Demetri. You reminded me of my purpose when I took this job ten years ago. For all those times that you and Cathy and Heidi have cheered me up – are we not friends?"

"You've been keeping secrets Bella." Heidi approached us. "Didn't you go to Forks to get over all of this?"

I looked to the ground once more. I hadn't told these people the truth. And I had allowed myself to misuse my power. I had become a member of the Volturi, and I was disgusted with myself.

"I'm sorry." I listened to my cry echo through the tall room as my voice caught. "I'm so, very, sorry – for everything."

"Love makes people do things," Marcus spoke quietly, but with authority. "Things that none of us can explain."

I received gentle hugs from each of my friends, the ones that my lies had unwittingly hurt, as they left the room to return to their duties. I stayed behind, sat along the wall, engulfed by my thoughts.

Marcus sat down along the wall, a few feet away from me, but close enough for conversation. I was sure that the concept of an ancient vampire sitting on the floor was amusing, but I was in no mood.

"You're friends didn't realize." He said, breaking my silence. "They're not quite so familiar with heartbreak. It's almost worse than love."

"If I trusted them," I replied, "I would have told them."

"When your heart breaks, it doesn't matter who you trust." He countered.

"The people that I held on for, the reason that I'm a vampire, the ones that proved that we don't have to be monsters… They're upstairs, sitting in their rooms, no idea that the Bella they came to hear about isn't the Bella they used to know. It would disappoint them, so thoroughly."

"They know, Isabella." Marcus' voice was near silent. "They've come once a year, to see your work around here and the progress you've made in these grimy old catacombs, even if they couldn't see you. We've been completely honest, when we tell them that you aren't recovering from when their son left. They're not disappointed in you. The day that you burst in, screaming at Aro, so angry – Carlisle told us that he was so glad that you hadn't just accepted them, accepted our lies."

"I decided a long time ago, that I wasn't going to like staying here." I admitted, "I chose to fight it; all other options were out – I knew that you'd refuse to kill me if I asked."

We were silent for a moment. For the first time, I felt comfortable talking about it. The thought made me smile – this wasn't home, but I had a life here now. A feeling rose in my chest – joy? I took a breath in, and for the first time turned to look upon the face of my companion.

"Bella," he smiled, "You've fought it for nineteen years. You kept trying to ignore it, but that feeling that's making you smile? You still love him, but your heart has mended itself."

I tilted my head and looked into his eyes – full of honesty.

"What you did today," he continued, "was the picking up of that final shattered piece. You saw his face and didn't lash out. You sought out the truth the way you've been seeking it out these many years. You came clean to your friends. It's all over now."

I glanced around the room, looking for inspiration. "What do I do now?"

"Go hunting with Alice," he suggested. "She's your best friend – tell her what happened, and she will understand. Aro and Caius are already explaining things to Mr. and Mrs. Cullen. I was supposed to tell you that you had today off."

I looked at my watch – it was already morning, a new day. I jumped up and hugged my grandfather-figure. "Thank you!"

"Before I forget," He interrupted as I reached the door, "Guard it better than you do this castle and its inhabitants. Guard it with your life."

"What?" I asked.

"Bella, guard your mended heart."


	11. Chapter 10: Eavesdropping

Chapter Ten: Eavesdropping

I darted through the hallways, looking for Alice. Marcus was right. I would never love anyone other than Edward, but I could live now. I could have a life, here in Volterra.

I checked Alice's room, and then mine, before deciding to head upstairs and search there. On my way past a row of offices, a small, pale arm yanked me into an alcove.

"What were you doing?" Jane snarled in a hushed tone.

"Looking for a friend." I looked her in the eye. "What do you want?"

"Never mind." She snorted. "You're hopeless."

"Wait," I looked around. "What are you doing hiding outside Aro's office?"

"Eavesdropping," she said brightly. "And I think you need to hear this."

"Actually," I said, turning to leave, "I have morals…"

"Ha." She snorted again, "Says the girl that just invaded her friends' minds to get them to do what she wanted."

"A mistake." I admitted.

"Well, we aren't going to get caught," Jane tried to convince me. Normally, she was exceptionally persuasive, wielding her mental torture as a bargaining tool. Since I was immune, she chose another tactic – acting like a true little kid around me. Sadly, it worked.

"Fine." I said, pressing my ear to the wall next to hers.

"Make them talk louder." She instructed.

"Let's not push it." I whispered back.

_"So, after nineteen years, he just shows up here, completely unannounced?" _Carlisle was pacing as he spoke.

_"Technically, we anticipated it happening." _Caius answered.

_"Excuse me?"_ Esme cleared her throat. _"What do you mean by that?"_

_"He means that they knew and Bella knew, but everyone else knew very little." _Alice piped up. _"Like, with his alias. Everyone thought he was 'Anthony Masen.'"_

No wonder I couldn't find her – she was in the meeting too.

_"Thank you, miss."_ Aro spoke now. _"We are in the process of interrogating him, of seeking out the rest of his group – we have reason to believe they'll pull some 'rescue-mission' style stunt. Once they've been apprehended, I would really rather not kill them all, given the circumstances of their actions. Especially your son." _

_"We were wondering,"_ Caius continued for him, _"If you would keep him in a sort of house-arrest situation. We know that he's still important to you, and we hope that you will consider our offer." _

_"What does Bella think of this?"_ Alice asked.

_"She doesn't know yet."_

I felt myself shudder, though refused to give in to my anger. The group was standing up to leave now, and Jane turned to me. "Make someone do something funny!"

"No."

"Do it," an amused Marcus egged from behind us, about to enter the room.

We jumped in surprise, and I sighed – it would be nice payback, for a moment or two.

_"Bye!"_ Aro and Caius yelled, simultaneously dancing in a circle, making spirit fingers.

"Bella!"

I darted down the corridor, seeking the refuge of my own office – the last place they would look. I was pretty sure I was getting away too, until the heel of my boot landed in a crack along the floor. I heard the snap of the heel, and felt that familiar loss of velocity before meeting the floor with a signature vampire 'Bang!'

"Bella, are you alright?" Alice rushed to my side.

"Twenty-one years." I carefully stood, pulling off my wrecked boots. "I haven't tripped in twenty-one years."

Aro, Marcus, and Caius bellowed in laughter from the doorway.

"What goes around, comes around."


	12. Chapter 11: She's Here

Chapter Eleven: She's Here

We were in my dark blue Lexus, zooming through the Italian countryside on our return to Volterra.

"How did you find that place?" Alice asked, cleaning her sunglasses.

"I'm the only non-recreational animal-hunter in Italy," I laughed, "I've got free rein."

"And you've never convinced anyone else to try?" She mused.

"I did, once, actually," I smiled at the memory. "Jane and Alec. I have no idea why – I think Felix dared them into it. Needless to say, it was a mess."

"I can imagine," Alice giggled, before becoming serious.

"What do you think of their offer?"

I thought for a moment before answering. I didn't know how I felt about Edward returning to his family. I had just discovered my own freedom to live without him – I was wary of accidentally breaking my heart over the tiniest sliver of hope.

"I don't know." I answered. "From one standpoint, it's great – your family are the perfect people to keep him along the straight and narrow."

"But you don't want to get hurt." Alice added for me. "Especially because neither you, nor the rest of us, want to lose each other again."

"Exactly," I nodded.

Noticing an exit to a small town up ahead, I decided to break the somber mood. "Do you feel like shopping?"

"Do I!" Alice bounced in her seat, "Thank goodness we brought a change of clothes."

"You mean, thank goodness Aro handed me a credit card before we left," I added. "I have boots to replace."

We laughed again, as I turned into the tiny Italian town.

OOOOOOOOO

"So, tell me about your job." Alice said as we pulled back into traffic, the backseat loaded with bags.

"Let's see," I pondered where to begin. "After Demetri's rather untimely and unfair death, Felix filled his shoes; he retired only five years later, and only a few of us know that he left over a squabble with Aro. Darren stepped in but, strong as he was, he wasn't the brightest of the bunch – he was killed by Russian werewolves."

Alice nodded in sympathy – the Russian werewolves were notoriously brutal, probably because of the cold climate.

I continued, "The first year that I was here, I worked with Andrew nonstop to get my mind-control problems in order. When I realized that I would be stuck here, I moped around for about a year – hence why Aro is always trying to cheer me up. Then they decided that enough was enough, and told me I would be joining the Guard. I wasn't happy, but I got to choose what jobs I worked on, so I acquiesced. I worked my way up the ranks over the next eight years – when they offered me the job as leader of the Guard, I knew it was useless to deny them. I tripled the size of the Guard over the first five years – which meant training a lot of 'newbies,' but change was necessary. Andrew helped me computerize our intelligence system. I know that things have worked for the last millennia or so, but times are changing, and we do want to remain inconspicuous. "

"Nice," Alice smiled. "They say that you're considered 'number four' now."

I shuddered, "I try not to think about that."

We sat in silence for a while, before Alice suddenly stiffened, and her eyes closed.

"What's happening?" I asked when she finally looked at me.

She refused to answer, watching as I entered the gates of the city and parked in an underground garage. I made a move to get out of the car, but Alice caught my arm and spoke in a low voice.

"Charlotte. She's here."


	13. Chapter 12: I Did This To You

Chapter Twelve: I Did This To You

Relief washed over me, "So she's in custody?" I asked a disheveled looking Raul, who had just caught up to us in the parking garage.

"Yes."

"Thank goodness," Alice visibly relaxed. "I must have only seen part of the confrontation."

"Confrontation?" I asked, though I knew better.

"She's extremely violent."

"Well, we'll be right there." I said, pulling bags from that backseat – a momentary distraction from my worries.

"Alice, can you carry all of these?" I asked as we made our way through the halls.

"No problem," She nodded, hurrying off to her room.

I met an interrogation group in the hallway, each member a combination of harried and worried. Andrew crushed me into a hug when he saw me, muttering, "Thank goodness you're here now."

"It's not going so well?" I scrunched up my face – I wasn't a fan of force.

"You're taking Cathy's place." Andrew pulled me along the corridor. "She's not going to give answers; she's smart, she'll figure out what I'm up too pretty quickly."

"So you want me to force them out of her?" I surmised.

"Exactly." I could hear the footsteps of the group behind us, but ignored them. If I were going to do this, I would need a lot of focus; Charlotte was the last person I had ever wanted to meet face to face.

OOOOOOOOOOO

The woman in the chair looked small – but I knew firsthand that looks could be deceiving. Her black hair curled into ringlets around her pale face, and her large eyes were soft, golden. I reminded myself that she wasn't some innocent young girl pulled off the street; I lowered my eyes into the coldest glare I had ever given, and listened to Andrew's first question.

Her name, she said, was Charlotte Long. She had never been inside the Volterran gates until now. She was trying to find Edward, to bring him back 'home.' She seemed innocent and honest, while trying to use the force of her own eyes against Andrew's practiced ones. She failed.

Andrew looked straight at her, and asked a tougher question. "Why did you need Edward?"

"Because he will help me." Her voice was soft, lilting - another illusion to her façade.

"Help you with what?"

"Help me get inside the castle."

"To do what inside the castle?" She seemed to pick up on his trick now, refusing to answer, resisting his hypnotic gaze.

I poked into her head and hit her with a demand to tell the truth. As expected, it came pouring forth.

"I sent Edward to find out who was in charge of the Guard. They are the first one to be killed – it will be easier to reach the others while the security system is in disarray. Once we take over the castle, we will assume power."

Charlotte's confidence caused me to smirk – there was no way the plan would have worked – Andrew would have taken over my position with ease, and then Jane or Alec.

"Do you know who is in charge?" I asked, surprised at my unmeditated outburst.

"No." Charlotte replied. "You killed Edward, just like you'll kill me."

Andrew shot me a look; neither of us would fall for the pity-party. I urged her to tell the truth once more.

"How did you meet Edward?" I asked, receiving a glare from the window at the back of the room. My question was off-topic and unorthodox, but we already had enough information.

"I was hunting, when he came upon me and lectured me about killing so mercilessly. He wanted to convert me to his diet." She answered, honestly. I could imagine Edward doing that – Heidi snickered from the back of the room; she agreed.

"And how did you get him to join you?" I queried further. She realized that we knew more than she had given us, but answered anyway.

"I made him forget."

"And what did you make him forget?" I realized that my voice was steadily rising.

"Everything." She breathed.

"Why?" I nearly screamed. The urge to tell the truth was overwhelming her now – if she could cry, she would have wept.

"He read my mind. He was strong, and I wanted him to help me."

"How many others have you done this to?" I tried to control myself, but I wanted to see her in pain – her mind was quickly swirling with so many different commands that she cried out.

"How many others are in your coven?" Andrew took over, modifying the question.

"Nine." She sobbed. I seethed. Four immensely strong arms clasped mine, and pulled me from the room.

OOOOOOOOOOO

Once outside, I was able to calm myself. I released Charlotte's mind from my own, staring out into a courtyard. I had never understood how that courtyard remained hidden, but I still stepped into the twilight and tried to avoid the memories that overcame me.

"Just shut up!" I told myself, collapsing onto the ledge of a fountain. I shuddered as I pulled my legs up and watched the swirling water. The smooth voice wouldn't leave my head; the words that calmed me so many years ago tried to calm me once more.

"I was going to move on." I spoke aloud, into the darkening evening. "I wasn't going to live in regret anymore."

For the first time since I was a human, I focused on controlling my own mind. The effort knocked me to the ground, but that sweet voice quieted.

I looked up to see a prisoner being led into the interrogation room. The group had stopped for a moment, to receive instructions from another Guard member. I noticed wisps of bronze hair and then caught his topaz eyes, beholding my pathetic figure.

We held the gaze for a moment, and as he was tugged off, I heard his beautiful, broken voice on the wind.

"I did this to you."


	14. Chapter 13: Goodbyes

Chapter Thirteen: Goodbyes

I wished for a moment that I could cry real tears. It had been purely wonderful to see three members of the Cullen family for a week. They had extended their stay to accommodate me, and now they had to return to the rest of their family.

Alice and I had spent hours talking, shopping, laughing. Esme had treated me just like a daughter, constantly checking to make sure that I was being treated well, that I had everything I needed. Carlisle reminded me over and over that everyone was desperate to see me – including Rosalie – and that I was welcome any time. I told him that I would be sure to visit, but I'm pretty sure they all caught on to my lie; I might not be able to withstand a visit to the Cullens anymore.

Edward was returning to his family. Having renounced his former plots – honestly, as well – he was granted reprieve. While Aro vehemently disapproved of a coven so large outside of the safety of Volterra, he was beginning to recognize its usefulness. Six vampires could easily stop two rogue ones – Charlotte was returning with them too, having violently threatened against being separated from "her dear loved one." I had almost lost control a second time at her comment, but bit my tongue and remembered my new perspective.

We waited in the airport lounge; I had chosen to accompany the family to their flight. Sitting a few feet away was an inconspicuous couple – Andrew and Cathy, in actuality. I wasn't running any risks.

Carlisle noticed them after a while, and said, "You don't have to do that."

"You're accompanying two very dangerous people." I replied, low enough that Esme and Alice wouldn't hear. "I've made enough mistakes recently."

Edward and Charlotte sat across from us, Esme telling them about where they lived in New England. I sat confused for a minute; Edward had recognized my pain – did he not remember his own mother?

Alice surmised my thoughts. "I went to talk to him, after he was let out of the cell. He knows that he's hurt people, but he has no idea who, or how."

"And he didn't recognize you even?" I wondered; Alice had been his closest friend.

"No, but he said that he's willing to get to know me," She laughed emptily.

OOOOOOOOOOO

I stood at a large window, watching the airplane glide along the tarmac. I silently wished that the family would be able to return, to visit once again. I smiled, remembering the gift I had hidden in one of Alice's many suitcases.

I had Andrew and Cathy following my friends for several reasons – foremost was Charlotte's unspoken intention to resume her revolt. I was no fan of the Volturi, but they kept the peace; the world needed them more than it realized.

"Are you going to be alright?" Heidi spoke from behind me.

"How did I not notice you?" I snorted, trying to stifle a laugh. "Do they seriously think that I need a bodyguard as well?"

"Given your reaction to my appearance, you might just," Heidi joked, leaning on the window. "You didn't answer my question."

I thought for a second, watching the Cullens' plane soar into the distance. I was going to miss them. But then it struck me; I would be fine. I voiced my thoughts, waiting for my companion's reaction.

She righted herself and looked me in the eyes. "If he came back to you, would you take him back?"

"Immediately," I hadn't even hesitated.

"You still love him," She noted, taking me by the arm and pulling me into the crowd. "It's getting a bit sunny," She explained.

"I already told you that I'd be fine." I said, moving quickly towards the multi-level parking structure. "Marcus said that I would be, and he's the expert."

"Then why do you think I was sent to follow you?" She asked, a little exasperated. I stopped in my tracks, and whirled around to face her. We were in a nearly empty section of the airport now.

"You want honesty, right?" She lowered her voice. I nodded quickly.

"Marcus said that your heart was healed." She began, "but there was a reason he told you to be careful with it."

I tilted my head by way of a question and waited for her to continue.

"It could break in a second." She finished. "We saw what happened in the courtyard. They're never going to let you visit America."

"I wasn't planning on it." I spoke bitterly. Marcus had given me false hope – it would be a long process, accepting Volterra as my home. His encouragement and intentions were sincere, but the means were dubious.

"Thanks for telling me." I told her as we climbed into our respective vehicles.

My heart wasn't broken, but I still felt hurt.


	15. Chapter 14: Suitcase Surprises

Chapter Fourteen: Suitcase Surprises

ALICE'S POINT OF VIEW:

Unpacking from a trip could be the highlight of my day – or a complete nightmare. Clothes to be washed, clothes to be hung up, clothes that needed dry-cleaning; the room was a mess, and there wasn't much hope for the closet either. The saving grace to this mindless, menial task was the pile of new clothes I had accumulated – and that made this the highlight of my day.

"Jasper, look at this!" I pulled out a crisp, lilac-colored cotton blouse. "It'll be so nice for the summer."

"Did it ever occur to you," he said, barely moving his eyes from the book he was immersed in, "that summer is months away? And that you're not leaving the house much when it comes?"

"Are you trying to ruin my fun?" I asked, pulling out a stack of larger clothes. "By the way, these are all for you."

"Thanks?" He raised an eyebrow. He was never horrendously picky about what he wore – 'vampires look good in anything' he would remind me constantly. I, however, felt it important to at least have some fun during this endless un-death.

I continued to babble, just to perturb him a little. "Anyway, Esme and Carlisle want us all to visit tonight; I suppose, since Edward's back -."

Jasper grunted.

"And since that woman is with him, we're probably going to get a lecture on accepting her into the family and forgiving our brother and all of that."

"As in, we are going to get a lecture," Jasper corrected for me, putting his book down and succumbing to his fate.

"The plane trip was boring," I explained.

"And how was your trip?" He moved to the floor and started tackling the clothes still left in the last massive suitcase. For a second, I silently admitted that I had a problem.

"I told you about most of it over the phone, though I didn't get to mention that on the way home, Bella sent two of her guards back with us. Their flight probably just left. I don't know how much she trusts that woman."

"You never did tell me 'that woman's' real name." Jasper prodded.

"Charlotte," I muttered, hanging a pair of corduroy pants, and then giggled, "Charlotte the harlot."

My husband laughed. "You don't trust her much either?"

We continued for a few minutes, catching up, before Jasper exclaimed "You didn't tell me about this!"

"About what?" I whirled around. In his hands was a leather-bound scrapbook, plain from the outside.

I took it from him and opened it. "I've never seen this before."

"You didn't see this?" He took the second implication of my statement.

"No," I shook my head, perusing the title page – a picture of our parents, standing with the three original members of the Volturi; Bella and I standing in front. The picture was formal, but the smiles were genuine. I wondered if Bella smiled often – intuition indicated otherwise.

Underneath the photo, in Bella's only slightly improved handwriting, were the dates of our visit.

"We should probably head out," my husband broke my reverie. "It'll take a good twenty minutes to get there in rush hour traffic."

"Sure," I answered, not entirely focused on the statement. I was mentally congratulating Bella's incentive. She wasn't going to let my idiot brother chase her away from us after all.

OOOOOOOOO

We stood, assembled in Carlisle's office, all together for the first time in months. I didn't admit to Bella how near dysfunctional our family had become. Emmett and Rosalie hadn't lived at home for fifteen years. When Edward first left, Jasper and I had to leave too, unable to escape Esme's intense pain and Carlisle's melancholy state. Jasper had used the opportunity to strengthen his control over his blood lust; now that he was back in school and used to humans, there were many days where he fared better than I.

Carlisle had just finished a semi-long speech about welcoming back our brother, and trying our hardest to accept Charlotte, since she was staying. Now, we all looked at each other, unsure of what to do next.

"He probably heard that whole diatribe." Rosalie began, always the least willing to let go of her bitterness.

"Where are they?" Emmett wondered aloud.

"They're settling into their room," Esme explained, but her face sank. In every house we had occupied for the last nineteen years, she had kept a room for her prodigal son. They all looked identical; one wall housed Edward's massive CD collection, the opposite held Bella's growing book collection. When she left for her year in Italy, we formed a habit – if we saw a book she liked or might like, we'd buy it and store it on the shelves, each of us inscribing a personal note inside the cover. The collection kept growing, even though the likeliness of Bella's return dissipated. It must have saddened our mother to think of anyone other than Bella sharing that room, reading those books.

"Show them what we found hon'," Jasper broke the dreadful silence.

"Oh, yeah," I placed the scrapbook that I was clutching on the large wooden desk. "We found this in my luggage, from Bella."

The family eagerly surrounded me as we flipped through the pages. Carlisle and Esme laughed aloud when they saw the first picture – the disaster that was Aro's office after Bella returned from Transylvania. Underneath, she had written, "I never expected to find **two** vampires behind that door!"

Every page was filled: photos of any one of us in various locations around the castle, photos from the ball, photos of our shopping trip – each accompanied by one of her bright little observations. The last picture was just Bella, sitting at her bare desk in her bland office, head back and mouth open as if she were asleep. The caption read, "It's boring around here without you!"

Emmett's deep roar contrasted with my own characteristic giggle as the whole group roared into laughter.

"She doesn't ever work in that room," I commented. "She hates it."

"It can't be that boring, surely," Jasper mused from behind me.

"Well," Rosalie said, "now that she's out of evil ex-boyfriends to hunt down…"

Nobody responded to her statement; it wasn't very funny anyway.

OOOOOOOOO

While Edward and his girlfriend settled in, Carlisle wanted us to hang around and make sure the transition went smoothly. Jasper had classes, and Rosalie had clients waiting for their cars, but Emmett and I spent most of the next two weeks enjoying the calm outside of the already quiet city.

We were sitting on the couch, yet again pouring over what we had named "Bella's Scrapbook." He begged for stories of my stay, I gladly recalled them. We had made it through the book, which was sitting open on the coffee table, and I was describing the beautiful hunting grounds we had visited. We hardly noticed Charlotte enter the room.

"Oh, I recognize her!" She suddenly cried, her attention on the scrapbook. "She's your friend in Volterra."

"Yeah," I nodded suspiciously, "she's my best friend."

"It must suck to be so far away." Charlotte plopped herself on the couch between Emmett and I. My brother cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Did you get to spend much time with her during your stay?"

"Only a little," Charlotte laughed lightly, "she was the one that interrogated me."

Emmett smirked at the image of Bella being serious and mean. I bit my lip and wondered if this was the best subject to broach around a prisoner.

"What is it that she does?" Charlotte asked. "I'm pretty sure that she was the one making me tell the truth."

"She controls minds," Edward spoke as he walked into the room. "The Scottish guy got really mad at her for it."

"It's gotten her into a lot of trouble in the past," I sighed at the memories. Charlotte and Edward were back to the first page now.

"She's a vegetarian." Edward noted. "It surprised me. Then of course, if she's a friend of the family…" He trailed off, unsure of what his conclusion was.

"You knew her when you lived here too," Emmett said, "Did you recognize her?"

Charlotte looked uncomfortable, Edward more so, as he answered too quickly, "No."

Charlotte came up with another question, "Do you know why her mind is blank?" directed towards me, though Edward was the talented one.

"She's always been that way." I answered, shrugging my shoulders, "Aro can't read it either, and Jane can't hurt her."

"So," Charlotte's eyebrows rose, "She's like a super-vampire. No wonder she's with the Volturi."

"That's why they trust her with the Guard. She can scare a lot of them." Emmett added. I glared at him – that was precisely the information the woman had been digging for. I recalled a similar situation that had frustrated my friend to no end – her own Guard members didn't trust her. I didn't voice it – it was a weakness that I'm sure Charlotte would pursue.

"She's very pretty," She commented, apparently deciding to leave her questions for the time being.

"Edward used to think so too," I murmured sullenly, before realizing that they heard it anyway. I saw Edward frown – exactly how much did he remember?

"She certainly is." He ignored my remark and stood up. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" He motioned to Charlotte, who stood and left with him.

I relaxed deeper into the couches pillows and groaned.

"Don't like her?" Emmett asked, moving to the other couch and turning on the television.

"Do you?" I retorted.

"She shouldn't expect any of us to like her." He said. "Did Bella really cause her physical pain during that interrogation?"

"That's what the rumor was." I nodded, "She wouldn't tell me about what went on in that room. No matter what Marcus tried to make her believe, her heart is still so fragile. She snapped in front of that woman. Any of us would have."

We watched the television for a few minutes, distracted, before Emmett asked, "Is Edward going to remember?"

I searched, and smiled.


	16. Chapter 15: Letters to Bella

**Author's Note: This chapter kind of created itself – it originally had a whole lot more going on, but an afterthought from the previous chapter decided to play a larger role, and I liked it too much for it to get lost in the middle of a chapter. So, I hope you like – and you're getting more from Edward's point of view!**

Chapter Fifteen: Letters to Bella

EDWARD'S POINT OF VIEW:

I was glad to be out of that otherwise-comfortable living room. I walked on eggshells with our hosts – they all awaited the return of my memory; I resigned myself to its unlikely return a long time ago. Charlotte's mind was churning – and I needed to remind her that all of her conniving would get us nowhere with this clan; they didn't trust either of us. Most importantly, I still needed to convince myself of the difference between complete recognition and a vague familiarity towards that gorgeous brunette in the photographs. Alice noticed the harshness of my "No," I was sure.

I stood, perusing the vast music collection – all mine, I'd been told. I didn't doubt it; the shelves were filled with my favorites. Charlotte cleared her throat from behind me.

"You wanted to speak with me."

"I wanted to caution you." I turned to look her in the eyes, and felt my voice rise. "How could you so much as think of going back to that half-life? Running around, as if we were going to save the world, 'recruiting' people for your own ridiculous devices. You're going to get us killed. You're never going to succeed."

"Way to smash a girl's hopes and dreams," she replied, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Did you honestly think that I was going to let it go that easily?"

"I hoped that you would see sense!" I felt my voice drop again. "Do you know how good we have it now? The Volturi – the Volturi! - Have given us a second chance. You know as well as I, that doesn't happen often. This family is willing to forgive me – and I can hear their thoughts, I know that I've hurt them. A lot. Carlisle – he's an honest man, a good man, and he's built something really strong here."

"So?" Charlotte challenged.

"He's given me a home. I won't do that to him."

"Really, now Edward's grown attached." She chuckled. "What do these people mean to you anyway? You told me before that you couldn't go back – not once you saw what you'd done. Why the change of heart? It's not like you're going to remember them."

"Thanks to you," I looked out the window, across the woods. "Carlisle is the man that saved me from death – more than a century ago. As much as I've gathered, I was the first member of this family. Esme was like a mother to me. My brothers and sisters were my closest friends."

She saw that I hesitated to continue. "What else did you hear?" She urged. Despite the terrible things she did, Charlotte was the only one to talk to these past twenty years. Yet, I refused to look at her as I spoke.

"It's not the first time I've hurt them. When I was young, I was angry. I left to pursue human prey for a little while. But that seems like nothing; if I'm near, they block their thoughts – but not before I've already heard some. Almost always, they concern Isabella, of the Volturi. She's the one I've hurt the most."

"Then why keep causing them pain?" Charlotte tried to persuade me, but I refused to look at her eyes, to let her into my mind. As much as the hole in my chest ached, I found myself happier – vicariously remembering through this family.

"Do you never give up?" I got angry, and turned to her. "I'm not working with you – or rather, for you – anymore."

I stood my ground as she turned, and walked out; no doubt to harass Alice and Emmett some more. Once she disappeared from my sight, I flopped onto the black couch. Esme's thoughts had revealed that she refused to change anything in my absence. With every house, my possessions occupied a separate room.

A book lay on the seat next to me, a copy of Pride and Prejudice. Curiously, I opened to the title page to find a note in my own handwriting:

_Beloved Bella,_

_In honor of your new life, I took the liberty of purchasing a new copy of your favorite novel. That, and I know that you left your old one at Charlie's. If I were Mr. Darcy, you would be my Lizzie Bennet. I love you – I always will, for all eternity._

_Only Yours,_

_Edward._

I bit my lip, wishing that I could cry. I remembered her face, that evening in the courtyard, as if she were fighting some inner demon bent on eating her away from the inside. The way she had looked into my eyes, and become so defeated. As if I, a prisoner, had any power over one of the most powerful vampires in the world. I did that to her.

My chest was being pounded my nearly a million boulders, but I stood, and pulled another book from the shelf – Bram Stoker's Dracula. I smirked at the irony, and opened the cover.

_Little sis,_

_We watched the movie last night, but it's not as fun to mock without you. We were at the mall this morning and I couldn't resist. Even Edward laughed – we all miss you kid. _

_- Emmett_

I reached for a third, the grammar book based off the panda joke. It was from Alice. I went through each book on the first shelf, reading the notes my family had left for her. I felt like I was invading someone's privacy, but I needed to know. I wanted to understand this beautiful woman that was once my entire life.

I finally came upon a Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. For some reason, I anticipated the magnitude of the burning hole, and sat down. As expected, the note was from me.

_My Beautiful Bride-to-be,_

_You return in a week, and I wanted this to be the last book added to your collection. As tragic as their story is, ours in infinitely happier. I could never poke fun at Romeo again; I promise you, with all of my dead heart and soul, that I will never leave you. I love you. _

_No one would have thought – the lion and the lamb; the vampire and the human. You so often remind me that you are no longer "clumsy Bella," but I will never be able to forget your blush, your warmth, your sleepy chatter, your wonderful klutziness that brought us closer. I eagerly await your return to my arms, that I may once again behold your perfect face. I smile every time I think about our wedding._

_Madly, deeply in love with you, and forever yours,_

_Edward_

I was stunned. I couldn't move. I deserved no forgiveness. I was a monster.


	17. Chapter 16: Remembering You

Chapter Sixteen: Remembering You

The house was silent, yet my head pounded with the barrage of several distinct and loud thought patterns. Yet none of them compared to the attack my own mind suffered – something, a recollection, was pushing its way forward and I was powerless to block it out. I sat shaking on the couch, the book fallen from my hands. I thought immediately of Charlotte's imprisonment of my memories. I growled – who was she, to have control over me?

In that moment, I lost control of my faculties. I found myself shoving the door open, dashing out of my room down the long hallway – unsure of my destination, though my feet seemed confident enough.

_What's wrong with him? _Rosalie wondered as she entered the foyer. I pushed past her, then realizing that I was headed straight for the piano, partially hidden behind the dining room. An image flooded my head; a bright open room, my piano sitting grandly upon a platform. My piano – I hadn't touched the precious instrument in nineteen years. Rosalie must have realized where I was headed. _Esme couldn't bear to see it everyday, _she chided.

I slid onto the bench, again untrusting of my actions. I lightly skimmed the ivory keys, pausing as the recollection pounded in my skull. I hesitantly played a single note; then a chord; a scale; and then an unknown song, from deep within my subconscious mind.

Music broke the barrier of my lost memories. Each note pulled forth another image – my heart was ripping, my breathing ragged, but my fingers consistent. I hadn't noticed the flow of thoughts stop, as each member of the house paused just to hear the melody they had missed for so long.

I saw a shy girl across the cafeteria, asking her new friend about the strange family with pale skin and unnaturally beautiful features. I remembered the horrible blank, where I could not listen to her thoughts. I felt the overwhelming temptation from the same girl sitting next to me in a biology classroom.

My mind skipped ahead – her relief to see me in a dark alley in Port Angeles, rescuing her from ill-intentioned men. Her questioning gaze as she ate, as she sat in my car, across a lunch table. My shock when I realized that she saw beyond my hideous un-life; so observant for someone so young. The awe in her eyes that day in the meadow – never fear, just awe. The feeling of holding her in my arms at nighttime, singing her to sleep with this same song, and her steady breath as she slept. Seeing her wake up in the hospital, injured but alive – the joy of saving her from my own fate.

I shuddered with sobs as I remembered the dark days, where I had hoped it possible that she live without me. How wrong I had been. I remembered those terrifying passages under the ancient city, where she cried in my arms. The anger at my family for their decision – they loved her, they had been right.

I remembered so many times I had tried to protect her. So many times holding her. Her blush, the rush of her heart as I kissed her. My angel.

My angel that died for me. My angel that left her family for me, her friends for me. The angel that I was going to marry, that I was going to be able to hold for forever – I forgot about her. I left her.

The last notes of the lullaby reverberated from the piano, but I fell to the ground from the bench. I felt cold. I hated myself. I ruined her life – I hurt Bella Swan.

My next conscious moment, Carlisle was pulling me from the ground, speaking softly. "It will be alright, son. She's alright."

His reassurances were in vain; I roared. "But - what I've done!"

Esme pulled me into her embrace; not the first time she had comforted me regarding Bella. Through my barely-open eyes I saw Jasper leaning against the wall, overcome by my own pain; his wife held his hand, smiling in understanding at me. Emmett and Rosalie watched from the doorway, unsure of how to respond. I wanted the grief to envelop me once more, but this faithful family refused to let me fall again, to succumb once more to the darkness.

I didn't notice that Charlotte was nowhere to be seen.

OOOOOOOOO

ALICE'S POINT OF VIEW:

Edward played his piano – melodies returning to him from nearly two decades ago. The others had quietly filtered out, leaving their son and brother to his music, but I stayed to listen. I sat against the wall, hearing his pain through the notes.

As the last chord rumbled from the instrument, he turned around on the bench to face me. I smiled once more – I missed my brother.

"Tell me," he demanded, avoiding my eyes, "is she happy?"

"No," my smile dissipated, "she's not."

He seemed hesitant as he sat, arms on his knees and head hanging in distress, his bronze hair flopping into his eyes.

"I saw her," he finally spoke. "She looked so weak. Her eyes – they broke down when they met mine."

I nodded. I'd seen that weakness in her eyes as she relayed her story to me, confessing to the demise of Demetri. We all saw that weakness the day she left, when she realized what she was capable of doing. She had no idea that her leaving would break apart our family, instead of saving it.

I joined Edward on the bench, giving him a hug. I paused for a moment – Bella would forgive me for what I would tell him.

"Edward, she killed Demetri when he told her what you'd done. Just two weeks ago, she became so angry with Aro for lying to her that she began to influence the actions of anyone near – she made Carlisle and Esme break down a door. She was the one that forced you to tell the truth. She nearly lost all control around Charlotte in her anger; they say she was moments away from destroying her as well."

"No crime could ever make me love her less." Edward shook his head. "I've committed far worse acts, for many a less noble cause."

"She knows that you're innocent." I said, "She knew more than any of the rest of us. But, she was terrified that we wouldn't be able to accept her – the mess she felt that she'd caused."

"It wasn't her fault."

"Wasn't yours either."

Edward stood up and turned to look me in the eyes for the first time that day, with a confession. "I knew pretty quickly what Charlotte was up to. I was left with my name, and a few vague recollections that I couldn't place – Volterra, for example. I could have found you – I could have returned."

"Why didn't you?" I looked up at my older brother. Edward always had a clear reason – I could never doubt his intentions.

"I knew that I must have hurt you. I didn't expect a welcome."

"A little ironic, maybe?" I raised my eyebrows. He laughed – a quiet, wary chuckle, but a laugh all the same.

We moved out of the room, and Edward made his way towards Carlisle, to begin his apologies. I sighed – the one that needed his apology the most may never hear it. My musings were interrupted when I was pulled into a misty blackness.

_A woman with curly black hair was running through the countryside – maybe fifty miles from the house. Two men were with her – one large with long brown hair, the other lanky and redheaded. She looked anxious, as if she was being followed. She slowed when she came to a clearing, her face set in grim determination, and I gasped aloud._

I resurfaced to find six pairs of curious golden eyes on me. My voice wouldn't come; I reached for Jasper's arms. After a few deep breaths and his caring murmurs, I turned to face my family.

"Has anybody seen Charlotte?"


	18. Chapter 17: Hating Myself

Chapter Seventeen: Hating myself

BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:

I hated myself for not putting my foot down.

I hated myself for letting that disgusting woman go.

I hated myself for being responsible for my own fall.

I hated myself for being the one to go and clean it up.

I hated that the Cullen's were involved in this fiasco.

_Stupid, stupid, stupid,_ I chastised myself.

Most of all, I hated that we were sitting in coach, surrounded by smelly humans. As strong as my self-control had become, it was never safe to be in such close proximity to an angry vampire. I took a breath and tried to calm down.

Sitting next to me, Andrew could sense my internal fuming. He sent me a sympathetic smile and reminded me, "You're going to be fine."

"It's not me I'm worried about." I muttered, but I know he caught both the phrase and it's multiple meanings.

"Distract yourself," he suggested, handing me a murder-mystery novel from his pocket. I didn't notice for a few pages that it was written entirely in French.

I grew disinterested with the plot after an hour and handed the book back to my friend, who was faking sleep. I tried paying attention to the in-flight movie, to no avail; it was a sappy romance. I resorted to giving all the surrounding passengers silly names, recalling pi, singing lyrics to musicals, and reciting the fifth act of Macbeth. By the time the plane landed, I had returned to my fuming, simply hoping that my fellow passengers would survive the flight.

The black rental SUV moved far too slowly through the evening traffic for my liking. I kept trying to call the Cullens, but got no answer.

"Bella!" I hardly heard Heidi yelling from the driver's seat. "We'll find her. Now, which turn-off do I take?"

The Cullen house was beyond beautiful – and devoid of its vampire occupants. My team caught the trail quickly, but it was hours old – we had little hope of finding anything in time.

I hated myself for being too late.


	19. Chapter 18: Confrontation

**Author's Note: We draw ever closer to the end! A bit longer for you, with another little flashback at the end. The point of view switches in the middle – watch for it!**

**Finally, it really smells pretty bad outside – the winds have blown the ash from the fire in Los Angeles all the way into Thousand Oaks (yes, I just told you where I live, you stalkers!) – I walked into the garage, which has no AC, and it was overwhelming. My prayers to any of you living further into LA.**

Chapter Eighteen: Confrontation

EDWARD'S POINT OF VIEW:

I may have been the fastest runner of the family, but I was still a useless tracker, so I held back to let my brothers take over. I couldn't help but blame myself – I had hurt my family, and now I had endangered them.

I hated myself.

We ran for hours through the forest, getting further from our home and closer to confrontation with each footfall. Carlisle constantly checked his cell phone for the time, but blocked his mind as to the reason. Sometimes, the trail would become stronger; then our pursuit would become more invigorated. Charlotte seemed to be gathering others at these points, stopping momentarily to converse or instruct – I recognized the scent of at least two former comrades. However, the group would quickly evade our reach, and Carlisle would yet again check his phone.

Running silently with my family, I was left to muse. My thoughts, venomous, caused Jasper to glare at me and comment, "Under normal circumstances I'd let you feel that way, but right now your attitude is slowing us down."

I huffed and sped up to match the front of our group. We followed the scent – it seemed to fill the air now – we weren't far behind.

The ringing of Alice's phone broke our focused silence. "It's about time," Carlisle muttered as she flipped open the small silver gadget.

"We're closing in." She told the caller.

"Yeah, I saw you coming just before we left." The call ended, and Alice looked to Carlisle. "They're not far behind."

"Who are 'they'?" Emmett demanded, but abruptly quieted as we entered a clearing.

Charlotte stood in the middle, six vampires forming a wall behind her. I recognized two of them; loyal to her subversive cause but weak characters, they would flounder without the strong leadership she provided. I supposed that the rest of the group were much the same – merely a show of strength, with no actual power behind the numbers.

"Oh, Edward," Charlotte cooed nastily, "are you sure you don't want to help? Right now we're even." She motioned to the number of vampires present.

"No." I snapped. "I don't."

Carlisle opened his thoughts for a moment. _Be careful. Alice saw help coming from the Volturi – another six vampires. We won't be able to take them until then. Can you hear their plans?_

I nodded slightly, enough to attract his notice. Charlotte was as weak as I surmised. Unable to shake us off their trail, they'd decided to face us. She wasn't ready to admit defeat, but she was certainly worried.

_Is it safe to try reason?_

I nodded again. We had nothing to lose by talking with her and little to gain except for time, until back up arrived.

Carlisle stepped forward, flanked by a vicious Emmett and glaring Jasper. Rosalie and Alice stood only a few feet behind their respective husbands – a second line of defense. I kept back with Esme, closer to the trees, avoiding trouble if at all possible.

"You do realize what the consequences of your actions will be?" Carlisle asked the group. "The Volturi are not gracious enough to grant a reprieve twice."

Charlotte sneered in reply, "Your 'friends' would never hurt someone of specific interest to your family."

"And what would make you of 'specific interest'?" Carlisle asked. I could see her ploy – it wasn't going to work. Yes, the Volturi had once refrained from quenching my suicide pleas and subsequently offending their friend and valuable ally. But no, killing Charlotte would offend neither Carlisle nor his family in any way. We were safe – at least, my family was. I might yet be subject to the wrath of the vampire lords.

"Edward, of course." Charlotte replied, and then turned to me. "Right honey?"

"Wrong," I growled. She meant nothing to me, and I told her as much. "You not only hurt these people, but you had the gall to think you could do it twice. You deserve what's coming to you."

_Bitter much? _Jasper thought, though silently congratulating me. _She's feeling fear, maybe because - _

- Because at that moment, my angel walked into the clearing, leading five angry vampires with fiery blood-red eyes.

She had heard my vitriol. Rosalie noticed the smile playing at the corners of my lips, for once interested in another person's welfare, and thinking _oh,_ _those goons are so going down now_.

OOOOOOOOO

BELLA'S POINT OF VIEW:

We found the Cullens in a clearing, opposing a group of scrawny-looking defectors who were clearly unprepared for a showdown. After all my worry, not a single one of my friends was harmed – we were in time. We had heard Edward's declaration of hatred; I tried not to smile, remembering all that was broken between us, including his memory. The relief at seeing him amongst his family more than made up for the hours of anxiety I had endured thus far; despite everything he'd done, I loved him too much to bear killing him.

I stepped towards the middle of the field as Carlisle, Jasper, and Emmett stepped back in deference, though still retaining their cautious, prepared stances. I saw Rosalie's smirk a few feet behind Emmett's grin, and was glad to find allies in my old friends. Turning to Charlotte, I regarded her shocked face calmly. She hadn't anticipated our arrival, and was unable to mask the paralyzing effect it had upon her.

"You know what happens now." I told her, allowing no shift in tone or pattern to enter my speech.

"Are you going to stop us from fighting back?" She spat.

I snorted, trying not to laugh at the absurdity of her assertion. Should her group choose to fight back, they would fight to the death. Few would be able to match the strength of the Cullens – even fewer the training of the Guard.

"You know," I decided motioning my group forwards, "I could incapacitate you, leave you helpless, but why spoil the fun?"

I hadn't intended to be quite so mean; still, I wasn't surprised when four of Charlotte's six supporters ran into the trees, making me turn them around so that Cathy and Heidi could pummel them.

My team sprang into action the moment my words had ended. I watched the fight from the sidelines, well aware that Edward was only a few steps away. I refused to look in his direction, to risk the sight of his lovely face – I would be lost to the world. The Cullens were more than ready to jump into the fray at any moment; I still regretted their involvement, though I was thankful that their prodigal son had returned.

Soon enough, Charlotte was the only one to have evaded death, having confused two of the guards – they no longer remembered their reason for killing her. Heidi, Cathy, and Andrew stood facing her, avoiding eye contact, waiting for my command.

The traitor spoke first, turning to me.

"My powers are potent; I could be an asset to you. You don't want to do this."

"Actually," I looked her in the eye, able to block the effect of her gaze, "I really do. But I won't…" I trailed off, thinking, planning.

"Really?" Andrew was surprised, before I completed my statement.

"… If anyone here can give me a good reason not to."

I was hoping that the Cullens would let us destroy her, and I remembered what Edward had said – I also remembered my leaders' instructions; I needed to check, make sure he truly wanted to remain with his family. I didn't want to pain them, but should he oppose us, I was bound to duty.

The clearing, and the surrounding forest were devoid of noise, of movement. Seconds passed, dragging out like the reverberations of a blast. _No more Miss Nice Swan, _I reminded myself. I looked to Andrew. He knew what to do.

OOOOOOOOO

"_Bella," Aro popped his head into my room without knocking, "We just received a call from our dear friend Carlisle."_

"_Any particular reason?" I asked, looking away from the window that had preoccupied me._

"_It seems that one of their charges has gotten away from them. That lovely Alice has foreseen our intervention, it seems."_

"_Who should I send?" I moved towards the hallway, to make my way to my office._

"_You know that this could be tough. And I'm sure you have a few personal qualms with the situation – take the best; yourself included, of course." Aro said, as Caius and Marcus met us._

"_Andrew is on his way down." Caius said, "He knows our orders."_

"_Which are?" I pressed._

"_To kill all that dare oppose you. No more Miss Nice Swan."_


	20. Chapter 19: Home

**Author's Note: It's nice to listen to Jeremy Camp, Brandon Heath, or FFH while reading this chapter. My next post will be the Epilogue and Afterword - pay attention to the afterword, it'll have plenty of info about upcoming stuff, and answer a few questions/confusions.**

Chapter Nineteen: Home

I sat on the porch swing, playing with my cell phone and not really paying attention to the twilight sky. The Cullens had insisted that we stay a few days, and I quickly volunteered to complete the almost perilous task of informing those in Italy of our late return. I considered any sort of treacherous phone call better than the awkwardness inside the house.

I mentally slapped myself for getting my hopes up. On the run back, I was almost certain that Edward had been watching me – I let myself think, for a moment, that he might remember. I continued my self-flagellation, not noticing the presence of another on the porch until he came to sit next to me.

I looked up. Edward smiled that brilliant crooked smile. I remembered not to look into his eyes – even as a vampire, he could still dazzle me into incoherency.

"What are you thinking so intently about?"

I was startled by his question – he had so often broken our silences by interrogating my thoughts.

"I was just… thinking." I finished lamely.

"And you're not going to expand on that." He surmised. He was silent for a few minutes – I would have sworn that he'd gone back inside – before he began.

"Bella," he sounded nervous, "I came out here, because I want to apologize."

"For what?" Yet again, he had me taken aback.

He hesitated, and then continued, without faltering. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for letting you down. I ruined a lot for you. I would never intentionally hurt you – and I'm sorry that what I did gave you so much grief."

Edward looked at me, seeming to expect some interjection, some yelling or anger. I just studied his face – so incredibly sincere – and let him continue.

"I missed you. I couldn't identify it – couldn't explain it. I just knew that I'd caused people so much pain. That's what prevented me from searching for any of you. I couldn't imagine how disappointed this family would be – this family that I couldn't even remember." He stopped again, and I decided to humor him.

"You want me to ask you how you remembered."

"Come with me." He said, and pulled me from the cushions, his touch igniting those age-old sparks. Everyone pretended not to notice, as he led me inside and up the stairs to a room – a room so much like ours before any of this had happened. I wished, once again, that I could cry, and sank into the black leather couch.

"Overwhelming, isn't it?" He chuckled, the music in his voice making my dead heart flutter. "Except for over here." He pointed to the bookshelves. "These are full now."

"How…?" I perused the titles. I picked up a new copy of Pride and Prejudice. There was a note inside the front cover. I read the note, and picked up another book, and another. My breathing was ragged, Edward just watched. Finally, he interrupted, holding Romeo and Juliet.

"This one was the breaking point." I took it from him, reading his loving words, and fell onto the couch.

He sat down next to me, simply watching me – I was frozen. What was he doing, making me read all of those heartbreakingly beautiful words?

He took the book from me and secured my hands in his. I couldn't help but look into his eyes – overflowing with an emotion I used to identify as love. Could Edward still love me – sinner that I was? Damaged goods and all? I looked down at our hands, again angry for getting my hopes up.

"Bella," Edward lifted my chin, so that I had to look into his eyes. The power of his gaze melted my defenses, and his velvety voice felt like a soothing balm on my aching heart.

"Bella, I am hopelessly, madly in love with you. Those things I did – they didn't change a thing – I didn't know who you were, yet I was still crazy about you!"

His words broke a final barrier in me. The guard I had placed upon my heart could hold no more – I was so completely happy, for the first time in twenty years, and I was rendered speechless.

He watched me, his own joy falling from his face. "Oh, Bella, please say something. If you don't want me… Well, I guess I'll survive. But at least, can you forgive me? Please, just say something."

At that moment, my exuberance burst out. "I love you Edward!" I practically screamed, and threw myself into his arms.

"I'm still hopelessly, madly in love with you too." I muttered into his chest. He laughed, and I relished each note.

"Am I forgiven?" He asked seriously.

"Years ago." I nodded, and then looked up into his eyes.

We could have sat there, holding so tightly onto each other's hands, gazing into each other's eyes, for the rest of our eternity. Unfortunately, we were interrupted by an almost cheer-like scream from downstairs.

Edward pulled me to his chest once more. "I don't care how happy Alice is; I'm not letting you out of my sight."

I moved yet again and looked him straight in the eyes. "We've forgotten something."

"Oh, the Volturi!" Edward's eyes clouded as his mind reeled with ways to pull me from their grasp. I bit back a laugh.

"Actually, I wasn't referring to them," I mock-frowned.

"Then wha -." He couldn't finish though; I had hit him square on the lips with our first kiss in twenty years.

"Much more important," He agreed after a moment, as he moved in for another – but not without the interruption of eleven other, eager vampires. Whistling not a few catcalls.

OOOOOOOOOO

Edward held me, as we lay on the bed in the darkened room, just like we had every night so many years ago – when I was still human. The buzz around the house had calmed – the entire Cullen clan had accompanied the Volterran guards to the airport, earlier this afternoon, as I said my final goodbyes to the people that helped me survive twenty years of numbness. Now, everyone had returned to their respective homes, and it was quiet in Carlisle and Esme's house.

All of my belongings were going to be shipped here, where I would be staying with Edward. The Volturi hadn't been angry, or even surprised, at my change in situation. Esme had told both Edward and I numerous times over the past couple of days that she was glad to have her prodigal son and long-lost daughter back. Carlisle and Edward spent plenty of time catching up – they had known each other the longest, and I suspected that Carlisle had suffered more the past two decades than he let on. Alice rarely contained her excitement – and blew off steam in the form of shopping, with me in tow. Emmett constantly reminded me that I was still his "kid sister," no matter how "big of a deal they made of you over in Europe." Jasper benefited from the family's light mood, and Rosalie gave me plenty of wedding-planning advice, now that the long-postponed wedding was finally approaching.

Edward and I relished the moment of quiet, now that the past two hectic days were over. It had been hard to spend time together when something or someone else always demanded our attention.

"Is it all too much to take in, or is it just me?" Edward broke into my musings.

"I never, in my wildest imaginings, expected to find myself lying here, in your arms, ever again." I kissed his cheek. "It's not just you."

"Good." He smiled, and proceeded to kiss my own cheek in response.

We were silent for a moment, before I said, "I love you," and kissed his forehead.

"I love you," he stressed the last word and proceeded to kiss my forehead.

"I am fond of your nose." I said, kissing that spot.

"Yours is far superior," he countered, returning the kiss. We continued in our silly competition for hours.


	21. Epilogue: To many more

**Author's Note: Ah, the end! Read while listening to Fonseca's "Te Mando Flores" or La Orega de Van Gogh's "Puedes Contar Conmigo." I wrote this listening to them (yes, I'm a Scottish gal living in Southern California listening to music from Spain and South America. Just to clear that up!)... ****I wrote a lot at the bottom, to conclude/sum up some stuff, so please do read it! It contains some pertinent info.**

Epilogue: To many more…

The first twenty years of my immortal life were horrifyingly long. These past twenty years, I wished that time would slow down, not that it mattered; we had eternity. With Edward, there was life – I found myself smiling voluntarily, laughing; nothing was forced anymore. I had the family I always wanted – the Cullens came together to form the largest coven outside of Volterra.

Volterra. We were on the plane now, Edward and I – sitting silently, my head on his shoulder, as if we were asleep. This was my first return to Italy since I'd resigned my position in the Guard. I wanted to pay a visit, and my respects, to the people that helped me through my misery.

Edward squeezed my hand as he observed a couple across the aisle – young, in love, and obviously on their honeymoon. I smiled, and slid into my memories once more.

_"They're beautiful, Edward!" I lifted the bouquet to my nose. _

_"Not as beautiful as you," he kissed my forehead lightly, "Happy Anniversary."_

_I spun around, and searched the kitchen for an unused vase. "Why can I never find anything around this house?"_

_"I don't know," he laughed, watching from his spot, perched on the counter. "It's your house."_

_"Yours too," I countered, still searching. My husband laughed, and I turned to find him holding the vase behind his back. _

_"What are you up too?" I asked, taking the vase from him and preparing the flowers._

_"Just teasing you," He said, looking over my shoulder and admiring my work. "Still not as beautiful as you are."_

_"Thank you," I whispered, sinking into his arms. The words held more than just gratitude for the flowers, and he knew it. _

_"I love you." _

_"I love you too." He replied, breathing in my hair and kissing my cheek._

_"Happy Anniversary, Edward."_

_He kissed me on the lips now. "And here's to many more."_

OOOOOOOOO

**Terribly Verbose Author's Note of Doom!!! (Confusing stuff explanations included!)**

So, before I lose your attention, here's the "mas importante" business:

**I'm** going to be writing some short little stories, in the interim while I try to complete my next full-lenth fan fiction before actually posting it. So, if you enjoyed Guard My Heart, keep an eye out for new stuff by "thesunshinekid" – including the announcement of my next story…

**I** currently have no real plans for a sequel to this tale, but if anyone has any ideas or suggestions, I'll gladly take your advice! Summer's coming up, and I want to spend my time reading and writing (since most of the time I'm too unwell to leave the house).

**As** I said at the beginning (I'll repeat it for peace of mind) I own neither Twilight, nor its respective characters.

**I** do apologize – I realize that later chapters were nowhere as good as the early ones (I didn't spend nearly enough time revising and editing and fleshing out as I did in the early ones). Review, and tell me which was your favorite chapter! I'm interested (I recently reread my beginning, and discovered that I loved the scene with the Count, probably because it got Bella into some new surroundings…)

**CONFUSED?**

**The** confuzzling numbers: For my purposes, we assume that Bella has been a vampire for about a year before she exiles herself to Volterra. She lived in Volterra for a year, at the end of which Edward disappears. She then lives another nineteen years in Volterra (21 years as a vampire, you following?). The epilogue takes place twenty years in the future.

**I** realize that the story's format was a smidgeon confusing (and heavily influenced by a few too many episodes of Lost!). I tend to waffle, instead of being completely set on details - I'm working on that for the future! Hopefully I wrapped everything up in the end, but if not, just ask, and I'll try and go back to fix it, for the future.

**As** you might have noticed, my title comes from Proverbs 4:23 "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." It's totally appropriate, don't you think?

**So…** I actually don't like author's notes all that much, especially as posts without chapters, but I've come to find them useful.

This story was originally 3 or 4 chapters longer – but, as certain aspects fleshed out, I found the need to lengthen stuff (ie. "Letters to Bella," which became its own chapter) and cut stuff (my ending was four chapters long, instead of two). I've never experienced the characters taking control before, and though mine aren't as well developed as the originals, they operate the same way.

I loved getting reviews; they were all really nice – I actually feel like none of you were mean enough – for future reference, if something about my style irks you, tell me! I do want to improve, that's why I joined this fan fiction insanity. (By the way – is anyone annoyed by my use of the past perfect? I think it's because we kept reviewing it in Spanish for the AP – it's stuck there now!) Anyway, you reviewers are wonderfully consistent – that alone has kept me going!

Now, I must mention that I tend to listen to music while I write (unless I'm amazingly inspired and need utter quiet). So, a special thank you to All-American Rejects "It Ends Tonight" and "Move Along," Fallout Boy's "Dance Dance," The Killers' "When You Were Young," Juanes' "La Camisa Negra," and Idina Mendel's new version of "Defying Gravity," and everything David Crowder, (these songs are constantly on repeat).

In summation, this was my first fan fiction, and the first real story I've ever completed (and liked). The first kiss I've ever written into a story. I was terrified of writing the ending, and until I was sitting, staring at the computer screen, I really didn't know how I was going to achieve it. I've loved every minute of writing recently – I've felt uninspired for months. Yay! So thanks to YOU, my readers, for sharing this experience with me!

Lotsa' Love,

Judith – a.k.a. "thesunshinekid"


End file.
